relationshipsshuaigay

PublishedonTheWeeklyStandard(http://www.
weeklystandard.
com)BeyondGayMarriageFromtheAugust4/August11,2003issue:Theroadtopolyamory.
BYStanleyKurtzAugust4-August11,2003,Vol.
8,No.
45AFTERGAYMARRIAGE,whatwillbecomeofmarriageitselfWillsame-sexmatrimonyextendmarriage'sstabilizingeffectstohomosexualsWillgaymarriageunderminefamilylifeAlotisridingontheanswerstothesequestions.
Butthemedia'sreflexivelabelingofdoubtsaboutgaymarriageashomophobiahasmadeitalmostimpossibletodebatethesocialeffectsofthisreform.
NowwiththeSupremeCourt'sringingaffirmationofsexuallibertyinLawrencev.
Texas,thatdebateisunavoidable.
Amongthelikeliesteffectsofgaymarriageistotakeusdownaslipperyslopetolegalizedpolygamyand"polyamory"(groupmarriage).
Marriagewillbetransformedintoavarietyofrelationshipcontracts,linkingtwo,three,ormoreindividuals(howeverweaklyandtemporarily)ineveryconceivablecombinationofmaleandfemale.
AscarescenarioHardly.
Thebottomofthisslopeisvisiblefromwherewestand.
Advocacyoflegalizedpolygamyisgrowing.
Anetworkofgrass-rootsorganizationsseekinglegalrecognitionforgroupmarriagealreadyexists.
Thecauseoflegalizedgroupmarriageischampionedbyapowerfulfactionoffamilylawspecialists.
InfluentiallegalbodiesinboththeUnitedStatesandCanadahavepresentedradicalprogramsofmaritalreform.
Someofthesequasi-governmentalproposalsgosofarastosuggesttheabolitionofmarriage.
TheideasbehindthismovementhavealreadyachievedsurprisinginfluencewithaprominentAmericanpolitician.
Noneofthisiswellknown.
Boththemediaandpublicspokesmenforthegaymarriagemovementtreattheissueasanunproblematicadvanceforcivilrights.
True,asmallnumberofrelativelyconservativegayspokesmendoconsiderthesocialeffectsofgaymatrimony,insistingthattheywillbebeneficent,thathomosexualunionswillbecomemorestable.
Yetanotherfactionofgayrightsadvocatesactuallyfavorsgaymarriageasasteptowardtheabolitionofmarriageitself.
Thisgroupagreesthatthereisaslipperyslope,andwantstohastentheslidedown.
Toconsiderwhatcomesaftergaymarriageisnottosaythatgaymarriageitselfposesnodangertotheinstitutionofmarriage.
Quiteapartfromthelikelihoodthatitwillusherinlegalizedpolygamyandpolyamory,gaymarriagewillalmostcertainlyweakenthebeliefthatmonogamyliesattheheartofmarriage.
Buttoseewhythisisso,wewillfirstneedtoreconnoitertheslipperyslope.
PromotingpolygamyDURINGTHE1996congressionaldebateontheDefenseofMarriageAct,whichaffirmedtheabilityofthestatesandthefederalgovernmenttowithholdrecognitionfromsame-sexmarriages,gaymarriageadvocateswereputonthedefensivebythepolygamyquestion.
Ifgayshadarighttomarry,whynotpolygamistsAndrewSullivan,oneofgaymarriage'smostintelligentdefenders,labeledthequestionfear-mongering--akintothediscreditedbeliefthatinterracialmarriagewouldleadtobirthdefects.
"Tothebestofmyknowledge,"saidSullivan,"thereisnopolygamists'rightsorganizationpoisedtoexploitsame-sexmarriageandreturntherepublictopolygamousabandon.
"Actually,therearenowmanysuchorganizations.
Andtheirstrategy--eventheirexistence--owesmuchtothemovementforgaymarriage.
Scoffingatthepolygamyprospectasludicroushasbeenthestrategyofchoiceforgaymarriageadvocates.
In2000,followingVermont'senactmentofcivilunions,MattColes,directoroftheAmericanCivilLibertiesUnion'sLesbianandGayRightsProject,said,"Ithinktheideathatthereissomekindofslipperyslope[topolygamyorgroupmarriage]issilly.
"Asproof,ColessaidthatAmericahadlegalizedinterracialmarriage,whilealsoforcingUtahtobanpolygamybeforeadmissiontotheunion.
Thatdichotomy,saidColes,showsthatAmericansarecapableofdistinguishingbetweenbetterandworseproposalsforreformingmarriage.
AreweWhenTomGreenwasputontrialinUtahforpolygamyin2001,itplayedlikeadressrehearsalforthecomingmovementtolegalizepolygamy.
True,GreenwasconvictedforviolatingwhathecalledUtah's"don'task,don'ttell"policyonpolygamy.
Pointedlyrefusingto"hideinthecloset,"hetoutedpolygamyontheSallyJessyRaphael,QueenLatifah,GeraldoRivera,andJerrySpringershows,andon"DatelineNBC"and"48Hours.
"ButtheGreentrialwasnotjustacablespectacle.
Itbroughtoutasurprisingnumberofmainstreamdefensesofpolygamy.
Andmostofthedefenderswenttobatforpolygamybydrawingdirectcomparisonstogaymarriage.
WritingintheVillageVoice,gayleftistRichardGoldsteinequatedthedriveforstate-sanctionedpolygamywiththemovementforgaymarriage.
Thepoliticalreluctanceofgaystoembracepolygamistswasunderstandable,saidGoldstein,"butourfatesareentwinedinfundamentalways.
"LibertarianJacobSullumdefendedpolygamy,alongwithallotherconsensualdomesticarrangements,intheWashingtonTimes.
SyndicatedliberalcolumnistEllenGoodmantookupthecauseofpolygamywithadirectcomparisontogaymarriage.
SteveChapman,amemberoftheChicagoTribuneeditorialboard,defendedpolygamyintheTribuneandinSlate.
TheNewYorkTimespublishedaWeekinReviewarticlejuxtaposingphotosofTomGreen'sfamilywithsociobiologicalargumentsaboutthenaturalnessofpolygamyandpromiscuity.
TheACLU'sMattColesmayhavederidedtheideaofaslipperyslopefromgaymarriagetopolygamy,buttheACLUitselfsteppedintohelpTomGreenduringhistrialanddeclareditssupportfortherepealofall"lawsprohibitingorpenalizingthepracticeofpluralmarriage.
"Thereisofcourseadifferencebetweenrepealingsuchlawsandformalstaterecognitionofpolygamousmarriages.
NeithertheACLUnor,say,EllenGoodmanhasdirectlyadvocatedformalstaterecognition.
Yettheygiveusnoreasontosupposethat,whenthetimeisripe,theywillnotdoso.
StephenClark,thelegaldirectoroftheUtahACLU,hassaid,"TalkingtoUtah'spolygamistsisliketalkingtogaysandlesbianswhoreallywanttherighttolivetheirlives.
"Allthiswasin2001,wellbeforetheprospectthatlegalgaymarriagemightcreatetheculturalconditionsforstate-sanctionedpolygamy.
CananyonedoubtthatgreaterpublicsupportwillbeforthcomingoncegaymarriagehasbecomearealitySurelytheACLUwillleadthecharge.
Whyisstate-sanctionedpolygamyaproblemThedeepreasonisthatiterodestheethosofmonogamousmarriage.
Despitethedivorcerevolution,Americansstilltakeitforgrantedthatmarriagemeansmonogamy.
Theidealoffidelitymaybebreachedinpractice,yetadulteryisclearlyunderstoodasatransgressionagainstmarriage.
Legalpolygamywouldjeopardizethatunderstanding,andthatiswhypolygamyhashistoricallybeentreatedintheWestasanoffenseagainstsocietyitself.
Inmostnon-Westerncultures,marriageisnotaunionoffreelychoosingindividuals,butanallianceoffamilygroups.
Theemotionalrelationshipbetweenhusbandandwifeisattenuatedandsubordinatedtotheeconomicandpoliticalinterestsofextendedkin.
Butinourworldoffreelychoosingindividuals,extendedfamiliesfallaway,andloveandcompanionshiparetheonlysurvivingprinciplesonwhichfamiliescanbebuilt.
FromThomasAquinasthroughRichardPosner,almosteveryseriousobserverhasgrantedtheincompatibilitybetweenpolygamyandWesterncompanionatemarriage.
Wherepolygamyworks,itdoessobecausethehusbandandhiswivesareemotionallydistant.
Eventhen,jealousyisaconstantdanger,avertedonlybystrictrulesofseniorityorparityinthehusband'seconomicsupportofhiswives.
Polygamyismoreaboutthoseresourcesthanaboutsex.
Yetinmanypolygamoussocieties,eventhoughonly10or15percentofmenmayactuallyhavemultiplewives,thereisawidelyheldbeliefthatmenneedmultiplewomen.
Theresultisthatpolygamistsareoftenpromiscuous--justnotwiththeirownwives.
AnthropologistPhilipKilbridereportsaNigeriansurveyinwhich,amongurbanmalepolygamists,44percentsaidtheirmostrecentsexualpartnerswerewomenotherthantheirwives.
Formonogamous,marriedNigerianmeninurbanareas,thatfigureroseto67percent.
Eventhoughpolygamousmarriageislessaboutsexthansecurity,societiesthatpermitpolygamytendtorejecttheideaofmaritalfidelity--foreveryone,polygamistsincluded.
MormonpolygamyhasalwaysbeenacomplicatedandevolvingcombinationofWesternmoresandclassicpolygamouspatterns.
LikeWesterncompanionatemarriage,Mormonpolygamycondemnsextramaritalsex.
Yethistorically,likeitsnon-Westerncounterparts,itde-emphasizedromanticlove.
Evenso,jealousywasalwaysaproblem.
Onestudyputstherateof19th-centurypolygamousdivorceattripletherateformonogamousfamilies.
Unliketheirforebears,contemporaryMormonpolygamiststrytocombinepolygamywithcompanionatemarriage--andhaveaverytoughtimeofit.
Wehavenodefinitivefigures,butdivorceisfrequent.
IrwinAltmanandJosephGinat,who'vewrittenthemostdetailedaccountoftoday'sbreakawayMormonpolygamistsects,highlightthespecialstressesputonfamiliestryingtocombinemodernnotionsofromanticlovewithpolygamy.
Strictreligiousrulesofparityamongwivesmaketheefforttocreateahybridtraditionalist/modernversionofMormonpolygamyatleastplausible,ifverystressful.
ButpolygamyletlooseinmodernsecularAmericawoulddestroyourunderstandingofmaritalfidelity,whileputtingnothingviableinitsplace.
Andpostmodernpolygamyisalotcloserthanyouthink.
PolyamoryAMERICA'SNEW,souped-upversionofpolygamyiscalled"polyamory.
"Polyamoriststracetheirdescentfromtheanti-monogamymovementsofthesixtiesandseventies--everythingfromhippiecommunes,tothesupportgroupsthatgrewuparoundRobertRimmer's1966novel"TheHarradExperiment,"tothecultofBhagwanShreeRajneesh.
Polyamoristsproselytizefor"responsiblenon-monogamy"--open,loving,andstablesexualrelationshipsamongmorethantwopeople.
Themodernpolyamorymovementtookoffinthemid-nineties--partlybecauseofthegrowthoftheInternet(withitsconfidentiality),butalsoinparallelto,andinspiredby,therisinggaymarriagemovement.
Unlikeclassicpolygamy,whichfeaturesonemanandseveralwomen,polyamorycomprisesabewilderingvarietyofsexualcombinations.
Therearetriadsofonewomanandtwomen;heterosexualgroupmarriages;groupsinwhichsomeorallmembersarebisexual;lesbiangroups,andsoforth.
(Fordetails,seeDeborahAnapol's"Polyamory:TheNewLoveWithoutLimits,"oneofthemovement'sauthoritativeguides,orGooglethewordpolyamory.
)Supposedly,polyamoryisnotasynonymforpromiscuity.
Inpractice,though,thereisacontinuumbetweenpolyamoryand"swinging.
"Swingingcouplesdallywithmultiplesexualpartnerswhileintentionallyavoidingemotionalentanglements.
Polyamorists,incontrast,trytoestablishstableemotionaltiesamongasexuallyconnectedgroup.
Althoughthesubculturesofswingingandpolyamoryarerecognizablydifferent,manyindividualsmovefreelybetweenthem.
Andsincepolyamorousgroupmarriagescanbesexuallyclosedoropen,it'softentoughtodrawalinebetweenpolyamoryandswinging.
Here,then,isthemodernAmericanversionofNigeria'sextramaritalpolygamouspromiscuity.
Oncetheprinciplesofmonogamouscompanionatemarriagearebreached,evenforsupposedlystableandcommittedsexualgroups,theslidetowardfull-fledgedpromiscuityisdifficulttohalt.
Polyamoristsareenthusiasticproponentsofsame-sexmarriage.
Obviously,anyattempttorestrictmarriagetoasinglemanandwomanwouldpreventthelegalizationofpolyamory.
AfterpassageoftheDefenseofMarriageActin1996,anarticleappearedinLovingMore,theflagshipmagazineofthepolyamorymovement,callingforthecreationofapolyamoristrightsmovementmodeledonthemovementforgayrights.
ThepiecewaspublishedunderthepennameJoySinger,identifiedasthegraduateofa"toptenlawschool"andapoliticalorganizerandpublicofficialinCaliforniafortheprevioustwodecades.
Takingaleaffromthegaymarriagemovement,Singersuggestedstartingsmall.
Acampaignforhospitalvisitationrightsforpolyamorousspouseswouldbethewaytobegin.
Fullmarriageandadoptionrightswouldcomelater.
Againusingthegaymarriagemovementasamodel,Singercalledforcarefulselectionofacceptablepublicspokesmen(i.
e.
,peoplefromlongstandingpolyfamilieswithchildren).
SingerevenpublishedaspeechbyIowastatelegislatorEdFallononbehalfofgaymarriage,arguingthatthegoalwouldbetogetacongressmantogiveexactlythesamespeechasFallon,butsubstitutingtheword"poly"for"gay"throughout.
Trytellingpolyamoriststhatthelinkbetweengaymarriageandgroupmarriageisamirage.
Theflexible,egalitarian,andaltogetherpostmodernpolyamoristsaremorelikelytoinfluencethelargersocietythanMormonpolygamists.
ThepolyamoristsgoaftermonogamyinawaythatresonateswithAmerica'ssecular,post-sixtiesculture.
YetthefundamentaldrawbackisthesameforMormonsandpolyamoristsalike.
Polyamorywebsitesarefilledwithchatteraboutjealousy,theproblemthatwillnotgoaway.
Inevitably,groupmarriagesbasedonmodernprinciplesofcompanionatelove,withoutreligiousrulesandrestraints,areunstable.
Liketheshort-livedhippiecommunes,groupmarriageswillbebrokenonthecontradictionbetweencompanionateloveandgroupsolidarity.
Andchildrenwillpaytheprice.
Theharmsofstate-sanctionedpolyamorousmarriagewouldextendwellbeyondthepolyamoriststhemselves.
Oncemonogamyisdefinedoutofmarriage,itwillbenexttoimpossibletoeducateanewgenerationinwhatittakestokeepcompanionatemarriageintact.
State-sanctionedpolyamorywouldspelltheeffectiveendofmarriage.
Andthatispreciselywhatpolyamory'snew--andsurprisinglyinfluential--defendersareaimingfor.
ThefamilylawradicalsSTATE-SANCTIONEDpolyamoryisnowthecutting-edgeissueamongscholarsoffamilylaw.
Thepreeminentschoolofthoughtinacademicfamilylawhasitsoriginsintheargumentsofradicalgayactivistswhoonceopposedsame-sexmarriage.
Intheearlynineties,radicalslikelongtimeNationalGayandLesbianTaskForcepolicydirectorPaulaEttelbrickspokeoutagainstmakinglegalmarriageapriorityforthegayrightsmovement.
Marriage,Ettelbrickremindedherfellowactivists,"haslongbeenthefocusofradicalfeministrevulsion.
"Encouraginggaystomarry,saidEttelbrick,wouldonlyforcegay"assimilation"toAmericannorms,whentherealobjectofthegayrightsmovementoughttobegettingAmericanstoacceptgaydifference.
"Beingqueer,"saidEttelbrick,"meanspushingtheparametersofsexandfamily,andintheprocesstransformingtheveryfabricofsociety.
"Promotingpolyamoryistheidealwayto"radicallyreordersociety'sviewofthefamily,"andEttelbrick,whohassinceformallysignedonasasupporterofgaymarriage(andisfrequentlyquotedbythepress),isnowpartofamovementthathopestousegaymarriageasanopeningtopressforstate-sanctionedpolyamory.
EttelbrickteacheslawattheUniversityofMichigan,NewYorkUniversity,Barnard,andColumbia.
Shehasalotofcompany.
NancyPolikoffisaprofessoratAmericanUniversity'slawschool.
In1993,Polikoffpublishedapowerfulandradicalcritiqueofgaymarriage.
Polikoffstressedthatduringtheheightofthelesbianfeministmovementoftheseventies,evenmanyheterosexualfeministsrefusedtomarrybecausetheybelievedmarriagetobeaninherentlypatriarchalandoppressiveinstitution.
Amovementforgaymarriage,warnedPolikoff,wouldsurelypromotemarriageasasocialgood,trottingoutmonogamouscouplesasspokesmeninawaythatwouldmarginalizenon-monogamousgaysandwouldfailtochallengethelegitimacyofmarriageitself.
LikeEttelbrick,Polikoffnowsupportstherightofgaystomarry.
AndlikeEttelbrick,Polikoffispartofamovementwhoselargergoalistouselegalgaymarriagetopushforstate-sanctionedpolyamory--theultimatesubversionofmarriageitself.
PolikoffandEttelbrickrepresentwhatisarguablynowthedominantperspectivewithinthedisciplineoffamilylaw.
CornellUniversitylawprofessorMarthaFinemanisanotherkeyfigureinthefieldoffamilylaw.
Inher1995book"TheNeuteredMother,theSexualFamily,andOtherTwentiethCenturyTragedies,"shearguedfortheabolitionofmarriageasalegalcategory.
Fineman'sbookbeginswithherrecollectionofanexperiencefromthelateseventiesinpoliticallyradicalMadison,Wisconsin.
Toherfrustration,shecouldnotconvinceeventhemostprogressivemembersofMadison'sEqualOpportunitiesCommissiontorecognize"pluralsexualgroupings"asmarriages.
ThatfailurehelpedenergizeFineman'slifelongdrivetoabolishmarriage.
Butit'sUniversityofUtahlawprofessorMarthaErtmanwhostandsonthecuttingedgeoffamilylaw.
BuildingonFineman'sproposalsfortheabolitionoflegalmarriage,Ertmanhasofferedalegaltemplateforasweepingrelationshipcontractsystemmodeledoncorporatelaw.
(SeetheHarvardCivilRightsandCivilLibertiesLawReview,Winter2001.
)Ertmanwantsstate-sanctionedpolyamory,legallyorganizedonthemodeloflimitedliabilitycompanies.
Inarguingforthereplacementofmarriagewithacontractsystemthataccommodatespolyamory,Ertmannotesthatlegalandsocialhostilitytopolygamyandpolyamoryaredecreasing.
Shegoesonastutelytoimplythattheincreasedopennessofhomosexualpartnershipsisslowlycollapsingthetabooagainstpolygamyandpolyamory.
AndErtmanisfrankaboutthepurposeofherproposedreform--torenderthedistinctionbetweentraditionalmarriageandpolyamory"morallyneutral.
"Asociologistratherthanaprofessoroflaw,JudithStacey,theBarbraStreisandProfessorinContemporaryGenderStudiesatUSC,isanotherkeymemberofthisgroup.
Staceyhaslongchampionedalternativefamilyforms.
Hercurrentresearchisongayfamiliesconsistingofmorethantwoadults,whoseseveralmembersconsiderthemselveseithermarriedorcontractuallybound.
In1996,intheMichiganLawReview,DavidChambers,aprofessoroflawattheUniversityofMichiganandanotherprominentmemberofthisgroup,explainedwhyradicalopponentsofmarriageoughttosupportgaymarriage.
Ratherthanreinforcingatwo-persondefinitionofmarriage,arguedChambers,gaymarriagewouldmakesocietymoreacceptingoffurtherlegalchanges.
"Byceasingtoconceiveofmarriageasapartnershipcomposedofonepersonofeachsex,thestatemaybecomemorereceptivetounitsofthreeormore.
"Gradualtransitionfromgaymarriagetostate-sanctionedpolyamory,andtheeventualabolitionofmarriageitselfasalegalcategory,isnowthemostinfluentialparadigmwithinacademicfamilylaw.
AsChambersputit,"Alldesirablechangesinfamilylawneednotbemadeatonce.
"Finally,MarthaMinowofHarvardLawSchooldeservesmention.
Minowhasnotadvocatedstate-sanctionedpolygamyorpolyamory,buttheprinciplesshechampionspavethewayforboth.
Minowarguesthatfamiliesneedtoberadicallyredefined,puttingbloodtiesandtraditionallegalarrangementsasideandattendinginsteadtothefunctionalrealitiesofnewfamilyconfigurations.
Ettelbrick,Polikoff,Fineman,Ertman,Stacey,Chambers,andMinowareamongthemostprominentfamilylawtheoristsinthecountry.
Theyhaveplentyoffollowersandholdmuchofthepowerandinitiativewithintheirfield.
Theremaybeotherapproachestoacademicfamilylaw,butnoneexceedtheradicalsininfluence.
Inthelastcoupleofyears,therehavebeenanumberofconferencesonfamilylawdominatedbytheviewsofthisschool.
Theconferenceshavenameslike"MarriageLaw:ObsoleteorCuttingEdge"and"Assimilation&Resistance:EmergingIssuesinLaw&Sexuality.
"Thetitlesturnontheparadoxofusingmarriage,seeminglyaconservativepathtowardassimilation,asatoolofradicalcultural"resistance.
"OneofthemostimportantrecentfamilylawmeetingswastheMarch2003Hofstraconferenceon"Marriage,Democracy,andFamilies.
"Theradicalswereoutinfullforce.
Onapanelentitled"IntimateAffiliationandDemocracy:BeyondMarriage"Fineman,Ertman,andStaceyheldforthonpolyamory,thelegalabolitionofmarriage,andrelatedissues.
Althoughthereweremoremoderatescholarspresent,therewasbarelyachallengetotheradicals'suggestionthatitwastimetomove"beyondmarriage.
"Thefewtraditionalistsinfamilylawarerelativelyisolated.
Many,maybemost,oftheprominentfiguresinfamilylawcountthemselvesasadvocatesforlesbianandgayrights.
Yetfamilylawtodayisasinfluencedbythehostilitytomarriageofseventiesfeminismasitisbyadvocacyforgayrights.
Itisthisconfluenceofradicalfeminismandgayrightsthatnowshapesthefield.
BeyondconjugalityYOUMIGHTTHINKtheradicalswhodominatethedisciplineoffamilylawarejustabunchofeccentricandirrelevantacademics.
Youwouldbewrong.
Foronething,thereisalreadyathrivingnon-profitorganization,theAlternativestoMarriageProject,thatadvancestheradicals'goals.
Whencontroversiesoverthefamilyhitthenews,expertsprovidedbytheAlternativestoMarriageProjectareoftenquotedinmainstreammediaoutlets.
WhiletheAlternativestoMarriageProjectendorsesgaymarriage,itslonger-termgoalistoreplacemarriagewithasystemthatrecognizes"thefullrange"offamilytypes.
Thatincludespolyamorousfamilies.
TheAlternativestoMarriageProject'sstatementofpurpose--its"AffirmationofFamilyDiversity"--issignednotonlybyEttelbrick,Polikoff,andStaceybutbyseveralpolyamoristsaswell.
OnalistofsignatoriesthatincludesacademicluminarieslikeYalehistorianNancyCott,youcanfindBarryNorthrupofLovingMoremagazine.
TheAlternativestoMarriageProject,alongwithMarthaErtman'spioneeringlegalproposals,hasgivenpolyamoryafootholdonrespectability.
ThefirstrealpublictriumphofthefamilylawradicalshascomeinCanada.
In1997,theCanadianParliamentestablishedtheLawCommissionofCanadatoserveParliamentandtheJusticeMinistryasakindofadvisoryboardonlegalreform.
InDecember2001,thecommissionsubmittedareporttoParliamentcalled"BeyondConjugality,"whichstopsjustshortofrecommendingtheabolitionofmarriageinCanada.
"BeyondConjugality"containsthreebasicrecommendations.
First,judgesaredirectedtoconcentrateonwhethertheindividualsbeforethemare"functionallyinterdependent,"regardlessoftheiractualmaritalstatus.
Onthattheory,ahouseholdconsistingofanadultchildstilllivingwithhismothermightbetreatedasthefunctionalequivalentofamarriedcouple.
Insodisregardingmaritalstatus,"BeyondConjugality"isclearlydrawingontheworkofMinow,whosewritingsarelistedinthebibliography.
"BeyondConjugality"'ssecondkeyrecommendationisthatalegalstructurebeestablishedallowingpeopletoregistertheirpersonalrelationshipswiththegovernment.
Notonlycouldheterosexualcouplesregisterasofficialpartners,socouldgaycouples,adultchildrenlivingwithparents,andsiblingsorfriendssharingahouse.
Althoughtheauthorsof"BeyondConjugality"arepoliticenoughtorelegatethepointtofootnotes,theystatethattheyseenoreason,inprinciple,tolimitregisteredpartnershipstotwopeople.
Thefinalrecommendationof"BeyondConjugality"--legalizationofsame-sexmarriage--drewthemostpublicitywhenthereportwasreleased.
YetfortheLawCommissionofCanada,same-sexmarriageisclearlyjustonepartofthelargerprojectofdoingawaywithmarriageitself.
"BeyondConjugality"stopsshortofrecommendingtheabolitionoflegalmarriage.
Theauthorsglumlynotethat,forthemoment,thepublicisunlikelytoacceptsuchastep.
Thetextof"BeyondConjugality,"itsbibliography,andtheLawCommissionofCanada'sotherpublicationsunmistakablyrevealtheinfluenceoftheradicaltheoristswhonowdominatethedisciplineoffamilylaw.
WhileCanada'sparliamenthaspostponedactionon"BeyondConjugality,"thereporthasalreadybeguntoshapetheculture.
ThedecisionbytheCanadiangovernmentinJune2003nottocontestcourtrulingslegalizinggaymarriageisonlythebeginningofthechangesthatCanada'sjudgesandlegalbureaucratshaveinmind.
Thesimultaneityofthemanyreformsisstriking.
Gaymarriageisbeingpressed,butintandemwitharegistrationsystemthatwillsanctionpolyamorousunions,andeventuallyreplacemarriageitself.
Empirically,theradicals'hopesarebeingvalidated.
Gaymarriageisnotstrengtheningmarriagebuthasinsteadbecomepartofalargerunravelingoftraditionalmarriagelaws.
Ah,butthat'sCanada,yousay.
YetAmericahasitsroughequivalentoftheLawCommissionofCanada--theAmericanLawInstitute(ALI),anorganizationoflegalscholarswhoserecommendationscommonlyshapeimportantlegalreforms.
In2000,ALIpromulgatedareportcalled"PrinciplesoftheLawofFamilyDissolution"recommendingthatjudgeseffectivelydisregardthedistinctionbetweenmarriedcouplesandlongtimecohabitors.
WhiletheALIprinciplesdonotgosofarastosetupasystemofpartnershipregistrationtoreplacemarriage,thereport'sframeworkforrecognizingawidevarietyofcohabitingpartnershipsputsitonthesamepathas"BeyondConjugality.
"Collapsingthedistinctionbetweencohabitationandmarriageisaproposalespeciallydamagingtochildren,whoaredecidedlybetteroffwhenborntomarriedparents.
(ThisaspectoftheALIreporthasbeenpersuasivelycriticizedbyKayHymowitz,intheMarch2003issueofCommentary.
)ButamoredisturbingaspectoftheALIreportisitsevasionofthepolygamyandpolyamoryissues.
PriortopublicationoftheALIPrinciples,thereport'sauthorswerepressed(atthe2000annualmeetingoftheAmericanLawInstitute)aboutthequestionofpolygamy.
Theauthorsputoffthecontroversybydefininglegalcohabitorsascouples.
YettheALIreportoffersnoprincipledwayofexcludingpolyamorousorpolygamouscohabitorsfromrecognition.
Thereport'sreformsaresaidtobebasedontheneedtorecognize"statisticallygrowing"patternsofrelationship.
Bythisstandard,thegrowthofpolyamorouscohabitationwillsoonrequirethelegalrecognitionofpolyamory.
AlthoughAmerica'sALIPrinciplesdonotfollowCanada's"BeyondConjugality"inproposingeitherstate-sanctionedpolyamoryortheoutrightendofmarriage,theUniversityofUtah'sMarthaErtmanhassuggested(intheSpring/Summer2001DukeJournalofGenderLawandPolicy)thattheAmericanLawInstituteisintentionallyholdingbackonmoreradicalproposalsforpragmaticpoliticalreasons.
Certainly,theALIPrinciples'authorstakeCanadianlawasthemodelforthereport'smostradicalprovisions.
Furtherconfirmation,ifanywereneeded,ofthemainstreaminfluenceofthefamilylawradicalscamewithAlandTipperGore's2002book"JoinedattheHeart,"inwhichtheydefineafamilyasthosewhoare"joinedattheheart"(ratherthanbybloodorbylaw).
Thenotionthatafamilyisanygroup"joinedattheheart"comesstraightfromHarvard'sMarthaMinow,whoworkedwiththeGores.
Infact,theMinowarticlefromwhichtheGorestaketheirdefinitionoffamilyisalsothearticleinwhichMinowtentativelyfloatstheideaofsubstitutingdomesticpartnershipregistriesfortraditionalmarriage.
("RedefiningFamilies:Who'sInandWho'sOut"UniversityofColoradoLawReview,Volume62,Number2,1991.
)SooneoftheguidingspiritsofCanada's"BeyondConjugality"reportalmosthadafriendintheWhiteHouse.
TripleparentingPOLYGAMY,POLYAMORY,andtheabolitionofmarriagearebadideas.
ButwhathasthatgottodowithgaymarriageThereasontheseideasareconnectedisthatgaymarriageisincreasinglybeingtreatedasacivilrightsissue.
Oncewesaythatgaycoupleshavearighttohavetheircommitmentsrecognizedbythestate,itbecomesnexttoimpossibletodenythatsamerighttopolygamists,polyamorists,orevencohabitingrelativesandfriends.
Andonceeveryone'srelationshipisrecognized,marriageisgone,andonlyasystemofflexiblerelationshipcontractsisleft.
Theonlywaytostopgaymarriagefromlaunchingaslidedownthisslopeisifthereisacompellingstateinterestinblockingpolygamyorpolyamorythatdoesnotalsoapplytogaymarriage.
Manywouldagreethatthestatehasacompellinginterestinpreventingpolygamyandpolyamoryfromunderminingtheethosofmonogamyatthecoreofmarriage.
Thetroubleis,gaymarriageitselfthreatenstheethosofmonogamy.
The"conservative"caseforgaymarriageholdsthatstate-sanctionedmarriagewillreducegaymalepromiscuity.
ButwhatiftheeffectworksinreverseWhatif,insteadofmarriagereducinggaypromiscuity,sexuallyopengaycoupleshelpredefinemarriageasanon-monogamousinstitutionThereisevidencethatthisisexactlywhatwillhappen.
ConsidersociologistGretchenStiers's1998study"FromthisDayForward"(Stiersfavorsgaymarriage,andcallsherselfalesbian"queertheorist").
"FromthisDayForward"reportsthatwhileexceedinglyfewofeventhemostcommittedgayandlesbiancouplessurveyedbelievethatmarriagewillstrengthenandstabilizetheirpersonalrelationships,nearlyhalfofthesurveyedcoupleswhoactuallydisdaintraditionalmarriage(andevengaycommitmentceremonies)willnonethelessgetmarried.
WhyForthefinancialandlegalbenefitsofmarriage.
AndStiers'sstudysuggeststhatmanyradicalgaysandlesbianswhoyearntoseemarriageabolished(andmultiplesexualunionslegitimized)intendtomarry,notonlyasawayofsecuringbenefitsbutaspartofaself-consciousattempttosubverttheinstitutionofmarriage.
Stiers'sstudysuggeststhatthe"subversive"intentionsoftheradicallegaltheoristsaresharedbyasignificantportionofthegaycommunityitself.
Stiers'sstudywasfocusedonthemostcommittedgaycouples.
Yeteveninasamplewithadisproportionatenumberofmalecoupleswhohadgonethroughacommitmentceremony(andStiershadtogooutofherresearchprotocoljusttofindenoughmalecouplestobalancethecommittedlesbiancouples)nearly20percentofthemenquestioneddidnotpracticemonogamy.
Inarepresentativesampleofgaymalecouples,thatnumberwouldbevastlyhigher.
Moresignificantly,amere10percentofeventhisskewedsampleofgaymenmentionedmonogamyasanimportantaspectofcommitment(meaningthatevenmanyofthosemenwhohadundergone"unionceremonies"failedtoidentifyfidelitywithcommitment).
Andthese,theverymostcommittedgaymalecouples,aretheoneswhowillbetrailblazingmaritalnormsfortheirpeers,andexemplifyinggaymarriageforthenation.
Soconcernsabouttheeffectsofgaymarriageonthesocialidealofmaritalmonogamyseemjustified.
ArecentsurveyofgaycouplesincivilunionsbyUniversityofVermontpsychologistsEstherRothblumandSondraSolomonconfirmswhatStiers'sstudysuggests--thatmarriedgaymalecoupleswillbefarlesslikelythanmarriedheterosexualcouplestoidentifymarriagewithmonogamy.
RothblumandSolomoncontactedall2,300coupleswhoenteredcivilunionsinVermontbetweenJune1,2000,andJune30,2001.
Morethan300civilunioncouplesresidinginandoutofthestateresponded.
RothblumandSolomonthencomparedthegaycouplesincivilunionswithheterosexualcouplesandgaycouplesoutsideofcivilunions.
Amongmarriedheterosexualmen,79percentfeltthatmarriagedemandedmonogamy,50percentofmeningaycivilunionsinsistedonmonogamy,whileonly34percentofgaymenoutsideofcivilunionsaffirmedmonogamy.
Whilegaymenincivilunionsweremorelikelytoaffirmmonogamythangaysoutsideofcivilunions,gaymenincivilunionswerefarlesssupportiveofmonogamythanheterosexualmarriedmen.
Thatdiscrepancymaywellbesignificantlygreaterundergaymarriagethanundercivilunions.
That'sbecauseoftheeffectidentifiedbyStiers--thelikelihoodthatmanygayswhodonotvaluethetraditionalmonogamousethosofmarriagewillmarryanywayforthefinancialbenefitsthatmarriagecanbring.
(Afull86percentofthecivilunionscoupleswhorespondedtotheRothblum-SolomonsurveyliveoutsideVermont,andthereforereceivenofinancialbenefitsfromtheirnewlegalstatus.
)TheRothblum-Solomonstudymayalsoundercountheterosexualmarriedmaleacceptanceofmonogamy,sinceonememberofallthemarriedheterosexualcouplesinthesurveywasthesiblingofagaymaninacivilunion,andthusmorelikelytobesociallyliberalthanmostheterosexuals.
Evenmoderategayadvocatesofsame-sexmarriagegrantthat,atpresent,gaymalerelationshipsarefarlessmonogamousthanheterosexualrelationships.
Andthereisapersuasiveliteratureonthissubject:GabrielRotello's"SexualEcology,"forexample,offersadocumentedandpowerfulaccountofthebehavioralandideologicalbarrierstomonogamyamonggaymen.
Themoderateadvocatessaymarriagewillchangethisreality.
Buttheyignore,ordownplay,thepossibilitythatgaymarriagewillchangemarriagemorethanitchangesthemenwhomarry.
Marriedgaycoupleswillbegintoredefinethemeaningofmarriageforthecultureasawhole,inpartbyremovingmonogamyasanessentialcomponentofmarriage.
Nodoubt,theprocesswillbepushedalongbycutting-edgemoviesandTVshowsthattoutthenew"open"marriagesbeingpioneeredbygayspouses.
Infact,authorandgaymarriageadvocateRichardMohrhaslongexpressedthehopeandexpectationthatlegalgaymarriagewillsucceedindefiningmonogamyoutofmarriage.
Lesbians,fortheirpart,dovaluemonogamy.
Over82percentofthewomenintheRothblum-Solomonstudy,forexample,insistedonmonogamy,regardlessofsexualorientationormaritalstatus.
Yetlesbianmarriagewillunderminetheconnectionbetweenmarriageandmonogamyinadifferentway.
Lesbianswhobearchildrenwithspermdonorssometimessetupdefactothree-parentfamilies.
Typically,thesefamiliesincludeasexuallyboundlesbiancouple,andamalebiologicalfatherwhoisclosetothecouplebutnotsexuallyinvolved.
Oncelesbiancouplescanmarry,therewillbeapowerfullegalcaseforextendingparentalrecognitiontotriumvirates.
Itwillbedifficulttoquestiontheparentalcredentialsofaspermdonor,orofamarried,lesbiannon-birthmotherspousewhohelpstoraiseachildfrombirth.
Andjustastheargumentforgaymarriagehasbeenbuiltupontherighttogayadoption,legallyrecognizedtripleparentingwilleventuallyusherinstate-sanctionedtriple(andthereforegroup)marriage.
Thisyear,therewasatripleparentingcaseinCanadainvolvingalesbiancoupleandaspermdonor.
Thejudgemadeitclearthathewantedtoassignparentalstatustoallthreeadultsbutheldbackbecausehesaidhelackedjurisdiction.
Onthisissue,theUnitedStatesisalreadyin"advance"ofCanada.
MarthaErtmanisnowpointingtoa2000Minnesotacase(LaChapellev.
Mitten)inwhichacourtdidgrantparentalrightstolesbianpartnersandaspermdonor.
Ertmanarguesthatthiscasecreatesalegalprecedentforstate-sanctionedpolyamory.
GaymarriagesofconvenienceIRONICALLY,theformofgaymatrimonythatmayposethegreatestthreattotheinstitutionofmarriageinvolvesheterosexuals.
ABrighamYoungUniversityprofessor,AlanJ.
Hawkins,suggestsanall-too-likelyscenarioinwhichtwoheterosexualsofthesamesexmightmarryasawayofobtainingfinancialbenefits.
Considertheplightofanunderemployedanduninsuredsinglemotherinherearly30swhoseeslittlerealprospectofmarriage(toaman)inherfuture.
Supposeshehasagoodfriend,alsofemaleandheterosexual,whoissingleandchildlessbutemployedwithgoodspousalbenefits.
Soonerorlater,friendslikethisaregoingtostartcontractingsame-sexmarriagesofconvenience.
Thesinglemomwillgetmedicalandgovernmentalbenefits,willshareherfriend'spaycheck,andwillgainanadditionalcaretakerforthekidsbesides.
Herfriendwillgaincompanionshipandafamilylife.
Themarriagewouldobviouslybesexuallyopen.
Andiflightningstruckandtherightmancamealongforoneofthewomen,theycouldalwaysdivorceandmarryheterosexually.
Inanarrowsense,thewomenandchildreninthisarrangementwouldbebetteroff.
Yetthelargereffectsofsuchunionsontheinstitutionofmarriagewouldbedevastating.
Atastroke,marriagewouldbeseverednotonlyfromthecomplementarityofthesexesbutalsofromitsconnectiontoromanceandsexualexclusivity--andevenfromthehopeofpermanence.
InHawkins'swords,theproliferationofsucharrangements"wouldturnmarriageintothemoralequivalentofaSocialSecuritybenefit.
"Theeffectwouldbetofurtherdiminishthesensethatawomanoughttobemarriedtothefatherofherchildren.
Intheaggregate,whatwenowcallout-of-wedlockbirthswouldincrease.
Andtheconnectionbetweenmarriageandsexualfidelitywouldbenonexistent.
Hawkinsthinksgaymarriagesofconveniencewouldbecontractedinsignificantnumbers--certainlyenoughtodrawtheattentionofamediaeagertotoutsuchunionsasthehip,postmodernmarriagesofthemoment.
Hawkinsalsobelievesthattheseunionsofconveniencecouldbegintounderminemarriage'sinstitutionalfoundationsfairlyquickly.
Hemayberight.
Thegaymarriagemovementtookmorethanadecadetocatchfire.
Amovementforstate-sanctionedpolygamy-polyamorycouldtakeaslong.
Andtheeffectsofsexuallyopengaymarriagesontheethosofmonogamywillsimilarlyoccurovertime.
Butanydegreeofpublicityforsame-sexmarriagesofconveniencecouldhavedramaticeffects.
Withoutfurtherlegalado,same-sexmarriagesofconveniencewillrealizetheradicals'fondesthopes.
Marriagewillhavebeenseveredfrommonogamy,fromsexuality,andevenfromthedreamofpermanence.
Whichwouldbringusvirtuallytothebottomoftheslipperyslope.
WEAREFARCLOSERtothatdaythananyonerealizes.
DoestheSupremeCourt'sdefenseofsexuallibertylastmonthintheLawrencev.
Texassodomycasemeanthat,shortofaconstitutionalamendment,gaymarriageisinevitablePerhapsnot.
JusticeScaliawassurelycorrecttowarninhisdissentthatLawrencegreatlyweakensthelegalbarrierstogaymarriage.
Sodomylaws,althoughrarelyenforced,didprovideapublicpolicybasisonwhichastatecouldrefusetorecognizeagaymarriageperformedinanotherstate.
Nowthegroundsforthat"publicpolicyexception"havebeeneroded.
AndasScaliawarned,Lawrence'ssweepingguaranteesofpersonalautonomyinmattersofsexcouldeasilybeextendedtothequestionofwhoapersonmightchoosetomarry.
Soitistruethat,givenLawrence,thelegalbarrierstogaymarriagearenowhangingbyathread.
Nonetheless,inanimportantrespect,Scaliaunderestimatedtheresourcesforasuccessfullegalargumentagainstgaymarriage.
True,Lawrenceeliminatesmoraldisapprobationasanacceptable,rationalbasisforpublicpolicydistinctionsbetweenhomosexualityandheterosexuality.
Butthatdoesn'tmeanthereisnorationalbasisforblockingeithersame-sexmarriageorpolygamy.
Thereisarationalbasisforblockingbothgaymarriageandpolygamy,anditdoesnotdependuponavagueorreligiouslybaseddisapprovalofhomosexualityorpolygamy.
Childrenneedthestablefamilyenvironmentprovidedbymarriage.
InourindividualistWesternsociety,marriagemustbecompanionate--andthereforemonogamous.
Monogamywillbeunderminedbygaymarriageitself,andbygaymarriage'susheringinofpolygamyandpolyamory.
ThisargumentoughttobesufficienttopassthetestofrationalscrutinysetbytheSupremeCourtinLawrencev.
Texas.
Certainly,theslipperyslopeargumentwasatthecenterofthelegislativedebateonthefederalDefenseofMarriageAct,andsoshouldprotectthatactfrombeingvoidedonthesamegroundsasTexas'ssodomylaw.
Butofcourse,giventhemajority'ssweepingdeclarationsinLawrence,andthehostilityofthelegalelitetotraditionalmarriage,itmaywellbefoolishtorelyontheSupremeCourttoupholdeitherstateorfederalDefenseofMarriageActs.
Thisisthecase,inanutshell,forsomethingliketheproposedFederalMarriageAmendmenttotheConstitution,whichwoulddefinemarriageastheunionofamanandawoman.
Atastroke,suchanamendmentwouldblockgaymarriage,polygamy,polyamory,andthereplacementofmarriagebyacontractsystem.
Whateverthecourtsmightmakeoftheslipperyslopeargument,thebroaderpublicwilltakeitseriously.
SinceLawrence,wehavealreadyheardfromJonCarrollintheSanFranciscoChroniclecallingforlegalizedpolygamy.
JudithLevineintheVillageVoicehasmadeapleaforgroupmarriage.
AndMichaelKinsley--noqueertheoristbutacompletelymainstreamjournalist--haspubliclycalledforthelegalabolitionofmarriage.
Sothemostradicalproposalofallhasnowmovedoutofthelawschoolsandlegalcommissions,andontothefrontburnerofpublicdiscussion.
Fair-mindedpeopledifferonthematterofhomosexuality.
Ihappentothinkthatsodomylawsshouldhavebeenrepealed(althoughlegislatively).
Ialsobelievethatourincreasedsocialtoleranceforhomosexualityisgenerallyagoodthing.
Butthecoreissuehereisnothomosexuality;itismarriage.
Marriageisacriticalsocialinstitution.
Stablefamiliesdependonit.
Societydependsonstablefamilies.
Uptonow,withallthechangesinmarriage,theonethingwe'vebeensureofisthatmarriagemeansmonogamy.
Gaymarriagewillbreakthatconnection.
Itwilldothisbyitself,andbyleadingtopolygamyandpolyamory.
Whatliesbeyondgaymarriageisnomarriageatall.
StanleyKurtzisaresearchfellowattheHooverInstitution.
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