brandedneverletyougo

GivingadviceAbouttheworkshopTherearemanysituationsinwhichourfriendsaretroubledandneedadvice.
HowtohelpthemoutInthefollowingvedioyouwillseeawomanstressedoutbyherworkandhercolleaguetriedtogivedifferentpiecesofadvice.
HowdidsherespondtohisadviceInthisworkshop,youwilllearntogiveadvicerespondtoadviceScript(videoavailable)Margie:Ah!
Thishasgottostop.
John:Whatisit.
MargieYoulooksostressedout.
Margie:John,it'sthisjob.
I'munderpressureallthetime.
Mymusclesaretense.
Mystomachisupset.
Ijustcan'tseemtorelax.
WhatcanIdoJohn:Yeah,stress.
It'sakiller.
Well,onethingyoucoulddoisexercise.
ItreallyhelpsmewhenI'mstressedout,andit'sagreatblowoffsteam.
Margie:Well,actually,I'vetriedthat.
FristItookupRollarblading,…butthatdidn'twork.
ThenI…Itrieddancinglessons,…butIcouldn'tfindagooddancepartner.
John:Well,whataboutswimmingThere'sahealthclubwithaswimmingpooljustdownthestreet.
It'sreallygoodexercise,andbeinginthewaterissorelaxing.
Margie:That'snotabadidea,…exceptIcan'tswim.
John:Well,haveyouthoughtabouttakingayogaclassIhearthatyoga'sveryrelaxing.
Margie:Oh,Idon'tknow….
I…Idon'tthinkyoga'stherightthingforme.
John:Well,there'shypnotherapy.
Margie:YouknowwhatYou'renotgoingtobelievethis,butI'vetriedthat,too….
OK,it'slikethis.
EverytimeIhearthewordocean,I'msupposedtorelax.
Anditworks.
Infact,itworkstoowell.
OncewhenIwasinanimportantbusinessmeeting,someonestartedtalkingabout"ocean"ecology.
PeoplesaidthewordoceansomanytimesthatIfellasleep.
John:Oh,youknow,IthinkIrememberthat.
Ithoughtyouweresickorsomething.
Itmusthavebeenembarrassing.
Margie:Youcansaythatagain!
Noweverybodyintheofficeknowsaboutit.
Peoplepassmyofficeandmakesnoringsounds.
John:OhI'msorry.
Hey,Ihaveanidea.
Maybeyoucouldtryaromatherapy.
Margie:What'sthatJohn:Well,firsttheyputyouinasoftlylitroom,andthentheyopendifferentjarsandletyousmellthem.
Margie:Oh,well,I…Idon'tknow.
I'mallergictomostperfumes.
Youknowwhat,JohnIdon'tthinkanyofthosethingsaregoingtoberightforme.
John:Oritmightbeagoodideatotakesometimeoff.
Goonalittletrip—maybealittlebeachvacationbytheocean.
Margie:Hmm.
That'sagoodidea.
I'mfeelingbetteralready.
Thanks,John.
You'vebeenagreathelp.
John:Anytime.
Hey,enjoyyourtriptotheocean.
Margie:Thanks.
GlossaryRollarbalding:Rollarbladisabrand.
Duringthelate1980sandearly1990s,theRollerblade-brandedskatesbecamesosuccessfulthattheyinspiredmanyothercompaniestocreatesimilarinlineskates,andtheinlinedesignbecamemorepopularthanthetraditionalquads.
TheRollerbladeskatesbecamesynonymousinthemindsofmanywith"inlineskates"andskating.
hypnotherapy:therapybasedonorusingasleeplikestate,especiallyfortreatmentofchronicpain.
aromatherapy:theuseofselectedfragrantsubstancesinlotionsandinhalantsinanefforttoaffectmoodandpromotehealth.
UsefulexpressionsAskingforadviceWhat'syourpositionon…What'syouropinionabout…WhatwouldyousayWhatcanIdoWhatareyourcommentson…GivingadviceOnethingyoucoulddois…(Have)youthoughtabout…Well,thereis…Whynot…Whydon'tyou…Whatabout…IfIwereyou,…Let'stry…Perhapsyoucould…Youshould…Maybeyoucouldtry…Itmightbeagoodideato…AgreeinganddisagreeingStrongagreementAbsolutely!
/Certainly!
/Exactly!
/Sure.
Hearhear!
Iknewit.
SodoI.
That'sagreatpoint/idea.
That'sverytrue/forsure.
Yousaidit.
Youcansaythatagain.
I'mwithyouthere.
Ican'tagreemore.
I'mallforit.
MildagreementIagreeonthewhole.
Iseewhatyoumean.
Youcouldberight.
Youhaveapointthere.
Ithinkso.
UncertaintyIcan'tmakeupmymind.
Idon'tknow.
Icouldn'tsay.
Iwouldn'tliketosay.
Ican'tcommentonthat.
I'mnotsure.
Maybe.
MilddisagreementIdon'tfeelthat'sright.
Ican'tsaythat'sgood.
I'mafraidIcan'tagree.
That'strue,but…Youcouldberight,but…StrongdisagreementCertainlynot!
Nonsense.
Noway.
Never!
Youmustbejoking.
Youarepullingmyleg!
Ican'tagree.
Idisagree.
BeyondthetalkStepsingivingpeopleadviceStep1:Listentothepersonaskingyouforadvice.
Everysituationisunique,soneverassumeyouknowallyouneedtoknowaboutaproblem.
Listencarefullytothepersonwhowantsadvice,andlearnasmuchaspossibleaboutthesituation.
Ifyouneedclarification,askquestions.
Beinganactivelistenerwillnotonlyhelpyougivegoodadvice,itwillalsoincreasethechancesthatthepersonwilltakeyouradvice.
Step2:Putyourselfintheadvisee'sshoes.
Trytoimagineyourselfintheotherperson'ssituation.
Ifyou'vebeeninasimilarsituation,thinkaboutwhatyoulearned,butdon'trelysolelyonyourexperiencestogiveadvice—imaginethatyouaregivingyourselfadvicefortheuniquecircumstancesthattheotherpersonisfacing.
Step3:Thinkabouttheconsequencesoftakingyouradvice.
Whileyou'reatit,thinkabouttheconsequencesofnottakingyouradvice.
Ifthere'snosignificantdifferencebetweentheresultsofthosetwoscenarios,youradvicemightnotbebad,butit'snotusefuleither.
Dittoiftheactionyouadviseisimpossible.
Ifyoucanenvisionthepathyousuggestleadingtoaworseresultthananalternativepathwould,youradviceprobablyisbad.
Takeyourtime.
Whenpossible,thinklongandhardaboutallthepossiblecoursesofactionandconsidertheprosandcons(orthebenefitsandcosts)ofeach.
Thisisespeciallyimportantformorecomplexproblems.
Thinkaboutboththeshort-termandlong-termconsequencesofyouradvice.
Veryimportantdecisionsareusuallyveryimportantbecauseoftheirlong-termeffects.
Thinkasfardowntheroadaspossible.
Step4:Empathize.
Manymattersrequiresensitivityandthoughtfulness.
Ifyoureallytrytoputyourselfintheotherperson'sshoes(assuggestedabove),empathywillprobablydevelopnaturally.
Evenso,beverycarefulabouthowyouwordyouradviceandbesensitivetotheotherperson'sfeelingsandemotionalstate.
Givingadviceismorethanalogicalexercise.
Itusuallyinvolveshelpingapersonsortthroughconflictingemotionsasmuchasconflictingchoices.
Step5:Brainstormwiththeperson.
Sometimesthereisnoclearcutrightanswertoaproblem.
Inthiscase,trytohelpthepersonmulloverallthealternativessothatheorshecanreachaconclusiontogetherwithyouorontheirown.
Evenforverysimplequestions,itcanbebeneficialtohelpthepersondevelophisorherownadvice,ifonlyforthereasonthatheorsheismorelikelytotakeit.
Step6:Behonest.
Ifyouradvisedcourseofactionhaspotentialdrawbacks,tellthepersonaboutthem.
Ifyoudon'treallyfeelqualifiedorknowledgeableenoughaboutsomethingtogiveadviceonit,behonestaboutthisfact.
Yourgoalshouldnotbetoblindlyleadtheperson,butrathertohelphimorhermakeagooddecision,sodon'tactlikeasalesman.
Step7:Setagoodexample.
Ifyouadviseonethingbutdotheopposite,youradvicewillbeseenasphonyandhypocritical.
Ifyoudoasyousay,however,peoplewillbemorelikelytorespectyouradvice.
Step8:Understandthatthepersonmaynottakeyouradvice.
Justbecausesomeoneasksforyouradvice,theyarenotobligatedtotakeit.
Realizethattheotherpersonalmostalwaysknowsmoreabouttheirparticularsituationanddesiresthanyoudo,soyoucanneverbesurethatyouradviceisreallythebestforthem.
Understandthatpeoplewillsometimesaskadvicejustinordertobounceideasoffofyou,anddon'tbesurprisedifapersonrejectsevengoodadviceanddecidestomakehisorherownmistake.
Livewithit,andletthepersonlivewithhisorherdecision.
WarningsIfsomeonetellsyousomethingconfidentialdon'ttalkaboutittoothersunlessitpresentsadangertothatpersonortoothers.
Refrainfromgivingadvicethatyou'renotqualifiedtogive,suchaslegalormedicaladvice(ifyou'renotalegalorhealthprofessional).
It'sOKtoshareinformationthatyou'velearnedabout,say,aparticulardiseaseorlaw,butmakesurethepersonknowsyourqualifications(orlackthereof)whenyougivethemtheadvice.
Besuretoconsideranyconflictofinterestbetweenyouandtheadvisee.
Ifyoustandtogainbyconvincingsomeonetodosomethingthatisnotinhisorherbestinterests,youshouldprobablynotgivethatpersonadviceunlessyoucanbecompletelyhonestwithhimorheraboutyourownmotivations.
ExtendedPracticeActivities1.
Withtwostudentsaspartners,studentAcomesupwithhisproblem(s)andasksforadvice.
StudentBworkswithAandtriestogivegoodadvice.
StudentAneedstorespondtoadvicewithhisreasonsexplainedandmakesafinaldecisiontotakeadviceornot.
2.
Eachstudentshareswithalltheclassmateshisproblem(s)andotherstudentsgivetheiradvice.
Thestudentthenneedstorepond,showingagreement,disagreementoruncertainty.