remindingenjoylife

NAWhiteBooklet,NarcoticsAnonymousThisisNAFellowship-approvedliterature.
Copyright1976,1983,1986byNarcoticsAnonymousWorldServices,Inc.
Allrightsreserved.
ForewordThisbookletisanintroductiontotheFellowshipofNarcoticsAnonymous.
Itiswrittenforthosemenandwomenwho,likeourselves,sufferfromaseeminglyhopelessaddictiontodrugs.
Thereisnocureforaddiction,butrecoveryispossiblebyaprogramofsimplespiritualprinciples.
Thisbookletisnotmeanttobecomprehensive,butitcontainstheessentialsthatinourpersonalandgroupexperienceweknowtobenecessaryforrecovery.
SerenityPrayerGod,grantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange,thecouragetochangethethingsIcan,andthewisdomtoknowthedifference.
WhoisanaddictMostofusdonothavetothinktwiceaboutthisquestion.
Weknow!
Ourwholelifeandthinkingwascenteredindrugsinoneformoranother—thegettingandusingandfindingwaysandmeanstogetmore.
Welivedtouseandusedtolive.
Verysimply,anaddictisamanorwomanwhoselifeiscontrolledbydrugs.
Wearepeopleinthegripofacontinuingandprogressiveillnesswhoseendsarealwaysthesame:jails,institutions,anddeath.
WhatistheNarcoticsAnonymousprogramNAisanonprofitfellowshiporsocietyofmenandwomenforwhomdrugshadbecomeamajorproblem.
Wearerecoveringaddictswhomeetregularlytohelpeachotherstayclean.
Thisisaprogramofcompleteabstinencefromalldrugs.
Thereisonlyonerequirementformembership,thedesiretostopusing.
Wesuggestthatyoukeepanopenmindandgiveyourselfabreak.
Ourprogramisasetofprincipleswrittensosimplythatwecanfollowtheminourdailylives.
Themostimportantthingaboutthemisthattheywork.
TherearenostringsattachedtoNA.
Wearenotaffiliatedwithanyotherorganizations.
Wehavenoinitiationfeesordues,nopledgestosign,nopromisestomaketoanyone.
Wearenotconnectedwithanypolitical,religious,orlawenforcementgroups,andareundernosurveillanceatanytime.
Anyonemayjoinus,regardlessofage,race,sexualidentity,creed,religion,orlackofreligion.
Wearenotinterestedinwhatorhowmuchyouusedorwhoyourconnectionswere,whatyouhavedoneinthepast,howmuchorhowlittleyouhave,butonlyinwhatyouwanttodoaboutyourproblemandhowwecanhelp.
Thenewcomeristhemostimportantpersonatanymeeting,becausewecanonlykeepwhatwehavebygivingitaway.
Wehavelearnedfromourgroupexperiencethatthosewhokeepcomingtoourmeetingsregularlystayclean.
WhyarewehereBeforecomingtotheFellowshipofNA,wecouldnotmanageourownlives.
Wecouldnotliveandenjoylifeasotherpeopledo.
Wehadtohavesomethingdifferentandwethoughtwehadfounditindrugs.
Weplacedtheiruseaheadofthewelfareofourfamilies,ourwives,husbands,andourchildren.
Wehadtohavedrugsatallcosts.
Wedidmanypeoplegreatharm,butmostofallweharmedourselves.
Throughourinabilitytoacceptpersonalresponsibilitieswewereactuallycreatingourownproblems.
Weseemedtobeincapableoffacinglifeonitsownterms.
Mostofusrealizedthatinouraddictionwewereslowlycommittingsuicide,butaddictionissuchacunningenemyoflifethatwehadlostthepowertodoanythingaboutit.
Manyofusendedupinjail,orsoughthelpthroughmedicine,religion,andpsychiatry.
Noneofthesemethodswassufficientforus.
Ourdiseasealwaysresurfacedorcontinuedtoprogressuntil,indesperation,wesoughthelpfromeachotherinNarcoticsAnonymous.
AftercomingtoNAwerealizedweweresickpeople.
Wesufferedfromadiseasefromwhichthereisnoknowncure.
Itcan,however,bearrestedatsomepoint,andrecoveryisthenpossible.
HowitworksIfyouwantwhatwehavetooffer,andarewillingtomaketheefforttogetit,thenyouarereadytotakecertainsteps.
Thesearetheprinciplesthatmadeourrecoverypossible.
1.
Weadmittedthatwewerepowerlessoverouraddiction,thatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.
2.
WecametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.
3.
WemadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstoodHim.
4.
Wemadeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.
5.
WeadmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.
6.
WewereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter.
7.
WehumblyaskedHimtoremoveourshortcomings.
8.
Wemadealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.
9.
Wemadedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.
10.
Wecontinuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.
11.
WesoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthepowertocarrythatout.
12.
Havinghadaspiritualawakeningasaresultofthesesteps,wetriedtocarrythismessagetoaddicts,andtopracticetheseprinciplesinallouraffairs.
Thissoundslikeabigorder,andwecan'tdoitallatonce.
Wedidn'tbecomeaddictedinoneday,soremember—easydoesit.
Thereisonethingmorethananythingelsethatwilldefeatusinourrecovery;thisisanattitudeofindifferenceorintolerancetowardspiritualprinciples.
Threeofthesethatareindispensablearehonesty,open-mindedness,andwillingness.
Withthesewearewellonourway.
Wefeelthatourapproachtothediseaseofaddictioniscompletelyrealistic,forthetherapeuticvalueofoneaddicthelpinganotheriswithoutparallel.
Wefeelthatourwayispractical,foroneaddictcanbestunderstandandhelpanotheraddict.
Webelievethatthesoonerwefaceourproblemswithinoursociety,ineverydayliving,justthatmuchfasterdowebecomeacceptable,responsible,andproductivemembersofthatsociety.
Theonlywaytokeepfromreturningtoactiveaddictionisnottotakethatfirstdrug.
Ifyouarelikeusyouknowthatoneistoomanyandathousandneverenough.
Weputgreatemphasisonthis,forweknowthatwhenweusedrugsinanyform,orsubstituteoneforanother,wereleaseouraddictionalloveragain.
Thinkingofalcoholasdifferentfromotherdrugshascausedagreatmanyaddictstorelapse.
BeforewecametoNA,manyofusviewedalcoholseparately,butwecannotaffordtobeconfusedaboutthis.
Alcoholisadrug.
Wearepeoplewiththediseaseofaddictionwhomustabstainfromalldrugsinordertorecover.
WhatcanIdoBeginyourownprogrambytakingStepOnefromthepreviouschapter,"HowItWorks.
"Whenwefullyconcedetoourinnermostselvesthatwearepowerlessoverouraddiction,wehavetakenabigstepinourrecovery.
Manyofushavehadsomereservationsatthispoint,sogiveyourselfabreakandbeasthoroughaspossiblefromthestart.
GoontoStepTwo,andsoforth,andasyougoonyouwillcometoanunderstandingoftheprogramforyourself.
Ifyouareinaninstitutionofanykindandhavestoppedusingforthepresent,youcan,withaclearmind,trythiswayoflife.
Uponrelease,continueyourdailyprogramandcontactamemberofNA.
Dothisbymail,byphone,orinperson.
Betteryet,cometoourmeetings.
Hereyouwillfindanswerstosomeofthethingsthatmaybedisturbingyounow.
Ifyouarenotinaninstitution,thesameholdstrue.
Stopusingfortoday.
Mostofuscandoforeightortwelvehourswhatseemsimpossibleforalongerperiodoftime.
Iftheobsessionorcompulsionbecomestoogreat,putyourselfonafive-minutebasisofnotusing.
Minuteswillgrowtohours,andhourstodays,soyouwillbreakthehabitandgainsomepeaceofmind.
Therealmiraclehappenswhenyourealizethattheneedfordrugshasinsomewaybeenliftedfromyou.
Youhavestoppedusingandstartedtolive.
TheTwelveTraditionsofNAWekeepwhatwehaveonlywithvigilance,andjustasfreedomfortheindividualcomesfromtheTwelveSteps,sofreedomforthegroupspringsfromourtraditions.
Aslongasthetiesthatbindustogetherarestrongerthanthosethatwouldtearusapart,allwillbewell.
1.
Ourcommonwelfareshouldcomefirst;personalrecoverydependsonNAunity.
2.
Forourgrouppurposethereisbutoneultimateauthority—alovingGodasHemayexpressHimselfinourgroupconscience.
Ourleadersarebuttrustedservants;theydonotgovern.
3.
Theonlyrequirementformembershipisadesiretostopusing.
4.
EachgroupshouldbeautonomousexceptinmattersaffectingothergroupsorNAasawhole.
5.
Eachgrouphasbutoneprimarypurpose—tocarrythemessagetotheaddictwhostillsuffers.
6.
AnNAgroupoughtneverendorse,finance,orlendtheNAnametoanyrelatedfacilityoroutsideenterprise,lestproblemsofmoney,property,orprestigedivertusfromourprimarypurpose.
7.
EveryNAgroupoughttobefullyself-supporting,decliningoutsidecontributions.
8.
NarcoticsAnonymousshouldremainforevernonprofessional,butourservicecentersmayemployspecialworkers.
9.
NA,assuch,oughtneverbeorganized,butwemaycreateserviceboardsorcommitteesdirectlyresponsibletothosetheyserve.
10.
NarcoticsAnonymoushasnoopiniononoutsideissues;hencetheNAnameoughtneverbedrawnintopubliccontroversy.
11.
Ourpublicrelationspolicyisbasedonattractionratherthanpromotion;weneedalwaysmaintainpersonalanonymityatthelevelofpress,radio,andfilms.
12.
Anonymityisthespiritualfoundationofallourtraditions,everremindingustoplaceprinciplesbeforepersonalities.
RecoveryandrelapseManypeoplethinkthatrecoveryissimplyamatterofnotusingdrugs.
Theyconsiderarelapseasignofcompletefailure,andlongperiodsofabstinenceasignofcompletesuccess.
WeintherecoveryprogramofNarcoticsAnonymoushavefoundthatthisperceptionistoosimplistic.
Afteramemberhashadsomeinvolvementinourfellowship,arelapsemaybethejarringexperiencethatbringsaboutamorerigorousapplicationoftheprogram.
Bythesametokenwehaveobservedsomememberswhoremainabstinentforlongperiodsoftimewhosedishonestyandself-deceitstillpreventthemfromenjoyingcompleterecoveryandacceptancewithinsociety.
Completeandcontinuousabstinence,however,incloseassociationandidentificationwithothersinNAgroups,isstillthebestgroundforgrowth.
Althoughalladdictsarebasicallythesameinkind,wedo,asindividuals,differindegreeofsicknessandrateofrecovery.
Theremaybetimeswhenarelapselaysthegroundworkforcompletefreedom.
Atothertimesthatfreedomcanonlybeachievedbyagrimandobstinatewillfulnesstohangontoabstinence,comehellorhighwater,untilacrisispasses.
Anaddictwhobyanymeanscanlose,evenforatime,theneedordesiretouse,andhasfreechoiceoverimpulsivethinkingandcompulsiveaction,hasreachedaturningpointthatmaybethedecisivefactorinhisrecovery.
Thefeelingoftrueindependenceandfreedomhangshereattimesinthebalance.
Tostepoutaloneandrunourownlivesagaindrawsus,yetweseemtoknowthatwhatwehavehascomefromdependenceonaPowergreaterthanourselvesandfromthegivingandreceivingofhelpfromothersinactsofempathy.
Manytimesinourrecoverytheoldbugabooswillhauntus.
Lifemayagainbecomemeaningless,monotonous,andboring.
Wemaytirementallyinrepeatingournewideasandtirephysicallyinournewactivities,yetweknowthatifwefailtorepeatthemwewillsurelytakeupouroldpractices.
Wesuspectthatifwedonotusewhatwehave,wewilllosewhatwehave.
Thesetimesareoftentheperiodsofourgreatestgrowth.
Ourmindsandbodiesseemtiredofitall,yetthedynamicforcesofchangeortrueconversion,deepwithin,maybeworkingtogiveustheanswersthatalterourinnermotivationsandchangeourlives.
RecoveryasexperiencedthroughourTwelveStepsisourgoal,notmerephysicalabstinence.
Toimproveourselvestakeseffort,andsincethereisnowayintheworldtograftanewideaonaclosedmind,anopeningmustbemadesomehow.
Sincewecandothisonlyforourselves,weneedtorecognizetwoofourseeminglyinherentenemies,apathyandprocrastination.
Ourresistancetochangeseemsbuiltin,andonlyanuclearblastofsomekindwillbringaboutanyalterationorinitiateanothercourseofaction.
Arelapse,ifwesurviveit,mayprovidethechargeforthedemolitionprocess.
Arelapseandsometimessubsequentdeathofsomeoneclosetouscandothejobofawakeningustothenecessityforvigorouspersonalaction.
JustfortodayTellyourself:Justfortoday,mythoughtswillbeonmyrecovery,livingandenjoyinglifewithouttheuseofdrugs.
Justfortoday,IwillhavefaithinsomeoneinNAwhobelievesinmeandwantstohelpmeinmyrecovery.
Justfortoday,Iwillhaveaprogram.
Iwilltrytofollowittothebestofmyability.
Justfortoday,throughNA,Iwilltrytogetabetterperspectiveonmylife.
Justfortoday,Iwillbeunafraid.
Mythoughtswillbeonmynewassociations,peoplewhoarenotusingandwhohavefoundanewwayoflife.
SolongasIfollowthatway,Ihavenothingtofear.
PersonalstoriesNarcoticsAnonymoushasgrownagreatdealsince1953.
Thepeoplewhostartedthisfellowshipandforwhomwehaveadeepandlastingaffectionhavetaughtusmuchaboutaddictionandrecovery.
Inthefollowingpagesweofferyouourbeginnings.
Thefirstsectionwaswrittenin1965byoneofourearliestmembers.
MorerecentstoriesofNAmembers'recoverycanbefoundinourBasicText,NarcoticsAnonymous.
WedorecoverAlthough"Politicsmakesstrangebedfellows,"astheoldsayinggoes,addictionmakesusoneofakind.
Ourpersonalstoriesmayvaryinindividualpatternbutintheendweallhavethesamethingincommon.
Thiscommonillnessordisorderisaddiction.
Weknowwellthetwothingsthatmakeuptrueaddiction:obsessionandcompulsion.
Obsession—thatfixedideathattakesusbacktimeandtimeagaintoourparticulardrug,orsomesubstitute,torecapturetheeaseandcomfortweonceknew.
Compulsion—oncehavingstartedtheprocesswithonefix,onepill,oronedrinkwecannotstopthroughourownpowerofwill.
Becauseofourphysicalsensitivitytodrugs,wearecompletelyinthegripofadestructivepowergreaterthanourselves.
Whenattheendoftheroadwefindthatwecannolongerfunctionashumanbeings,eitherwithorwithoutdrugs,weallfacethesamedilemma.
WhatistherelefttodoThereseemstobethisalternative:eithergoonasbestwecantothebitterends—jails,institutions,ordeath—orfindanewwaytolive.
Inyearsgoneby,veryfewaddictseverhadthislastchoice.
Thosewhoareaddictedtodayaremorefortunate.
Forthefirsttimeinman'sentirehistory,asimplewayhasbeenprovingitselfinthelivesofmanyaddicts.
Itisavailabletousall.
Thisisasimplespiritual—notreligious—program,knownasNarcoticsAnonymous.
Whenmyaddictionbroughtmetothepointofcompletepowerlessness,uselessness,andsurrendersomefifteenyearsago,therewasnoNA.
IfoundAA,andinthatfellowshipmetaddictswhohadalsofoundthatprogramtobetheanswertotheirproblem.
However,weknewthatmanywerestillgoingdowntheroadofdisillusion,degradation,anddeath,becausetheywereunabletoidentifywiththealcoholicinAA.
Theiridentificationwasatthelevelofapparentsymptomsandnotatthedeeperlevelofemotionsorfeelings,whereempathybecomesahealingtherapyforalladdictedpeople.
WithseveralotheraddictsandsomemembersofAAwhohadgreatfaithinusandtheprogram,weformed,inJulyof1953,whatwenowknowasNarcoticsAnonymous.
Wefeltthatnowtheaddictwouldfindfromthestartasmuchidentificationaseachneededtoconvincehimselfthathecouldstaycleanbytheexampleofotherswhohadrecoveredformanyyears.
Thatthiswaswhatwasprincipallyneededhasproveditselfinthesepassingyears.
Thatwordlesslanguageofrecognition,belief,andfaith,whichwecallempathy,createdtheatmosphereinwhichwecouldfeeltime,touchreality,andrecognizespiritualvalueslonglosttomanyofus.
Inourprogramofrecoverywearegrowinginnumbersandinstrength.
Neverbeforehavesomanycleanaddicts,oftheirownchoiceandinfreesociety,beenabletomeetwheretheyplease,tomaintaintheirrecoveryincompletecreativefreedom.
Evenaddictssaiditcouldnotbedonethewaywehaditplanned.
Webelievedinopenlyscheduledmeetings—nomorehidingasothergroupshadtried.
Webelievedthisdifferedfromallothermethodstriedbeforebythosewhoadvocatedlongwithdrawalfromsociety.
Wefeltthatthesoonertheaddictcouldfacehisproblemineverydayliving,justthatmuchfasterwouldhebecomeareal,productivecitizen.
Weeventuallyhavetostandonourownfeetandfacelifeonitsownterms,sowhynotfromthestart.
Becauseofthis,ofcourse,manyrelapsedandmanywerelostcompletely.
However,manystayedandsomecamebackaftertheirsetback.
Thebrighterpartisthefactthatofthosewhoarenowourmembers,manyhavelongtermsofcompleteabstinenceandarebetterabletohelpthenewcomer.
Theirattitude,basedonthespiritualvaluesofourstepsandtraditions,isthedynamicforcethatisbringingincreaseandunitytoourprogram.
Nowweknowthatthetimehascomewhenthattiredoldlie,"Onceanaddict,alwaysanaddict,"willnolongerbetoleratedbyeithersocietyortheaddicthimself.
Wedorecover.
OnethirdofmylifeTodayhasbeenoneofthosedays.
ItwasFridayandMondayalltogether.
Tryingtogetsomethingdonewasliketryingtomakeaconnectionwhentheheatwason.
Itwasapanicallday,butwhenIgothomeandlaydownforanhour,itfeltgood.
Icangoonanaturalnod,becauseIhavenothingupherenowbutaclearconscience.
Theoldhassleisgone.
Icanliedown,takeiteasy,andbecomfortable.
ThelongerIstayclean,thebetteritgetsforme.
It'srealgroovytogetupinthemorningandnotcarewhetherit'sfoggyorthesun'sshining,justsolongasI'mclean.
Nocrampsandnosweatsnow.
IrememberthetimeswhenI'dbeafraidtogotosleep,becauseIhada"gitup"thereonthedresser;butifItookmy"gitup"I'dhavenothingwhenIgotupandthenI'dbesickagain.
IneverthoughtI'dfeelgoodbeingoutherewiththesquares,butnowIthinksometimesIfeelthesamethingstheydo.
Idon'thaveallthosepettylittlethingsgoingthroughmymindnow,likeIdidwhenIthoughtIwaship—soslick.
TheonlyoneIwasbeinghipandslickwithwasme.
Everybodyelsecouldseerightthroughme.
Idon'thavearunningnoseanymoreandnoitchinessunlessit'sanallergyorsomething.
Icangohomenowatnighttocleansheetsandblankets,saymylittleprayers,andgotosleep.
It'srealgoodforme.
Yesterdaywaspayday.
Iwentoutandboughtmyselfafewpresents—notChristmasshopliftingyouknow.
Now,Icangothroughthesestoreswithoutevenatemptationtosteal.
ThisismythirdChristmasonthebricksandIcan'tthinkofanythingI'vestolensinceI'vebeenoutofthejoint.
IfeelthatIwasbasicallyhonestfromchildhood.
Istoletokeepupmyhabit,togetmystuff,tokeepmyheadonmychest,tokeepmystomachfromgrinding,andtokeepmynosefromrunning.
Thatnose!
ItwasalwaysrunningwhetherIwassickornot.
Mystoryissimilartomanyothers.
IhitonenuthousewhenIwasthirteen—Ireallydon'tremembermuchaboutit.
ThatwasonanODofamphetamines,theythoughtIwasamanic-depressivetillIcleanedupoffthepills,andthentheyfiguredIwasjustaneurotic.
Itprogressedthough.
Istartedtomakethejoints.
I'mthirtynowandthere'stwelve-and-a-halfyearsgoneoutofmylifelikethis.
Man,Isuredon'twantanymoreofit.
SinceI'vebeenoutofthejointaboutthreeyearsIcan'tsayIhaven'thadthetemptation;Ican'tsayIhaven'thadsomeobsession;Ican'tsayIhaven'thadthepassingthoughtofwantingtouse,becauseIhaveattimes.
Now,however,it'slikethepassingthoughtof"Thereisarealnicecarthere.
I'dlikeonelikethat,"andthenit'sgone,andsoisthethought.
Inoticethatthetimesandtheperiodsaregettingfartherapartwhentheyhappen.
Ihaven'thadadrivingobsessiontogetmyheadonmychestforovertwoyearsnow,andthisisreallysomething.
InowtrytoturnmywillandmylifeovertothecareofGodasIunderstandHim.
SometimesIliketotrytoplayGodandruneverythingbutitdoesn'tworkthatway.
ThelongerIstayaroundandstayclean,thegroovieritgets.
ThelasttimeIcameout,Iwasascared,snivelinglittlesnot,doublehip,doubleslick,stillwalkingthatwalkandtalkingthattalk.
Now,IgobacktotheinstitutionseveryweekIcanmakeit.
Iwentbacktomyhomegroupawhilebackanditwasgreaterthanmybirthday.
Youknowthoseguysacceptedmebackandweregladtoseeme.
IgavealotofthemahardtimewiththeattitudesIusedtohave.
Atthattimenothingwasanygood;everythingwasrotten,exceptdope.
Sure,Ihadacravingfordrugs,butatthattimeIwasreadyforanythingthatwouldgetmyfeetofftheground.
Now,however,Iknowthatanythingthatwouldgetmyfeetofftheground(thatisn'tanairplane)willheadmeforrealtrouble.
Isincerelybelievethis.
Idon'tknowifIworktheTwelveStepstothebestofmyabilityornot,butIdoknowI'vebeencleanaboutthreeyearsbypracticingthemthebestIcan.
Whenthingsstartbuggin'menow,Iknowwheremostofthetroublelies:me.
NowIfindIhaveagreatertoleranceforpeopleandalotmorepatienceallaround;thisisabigchangeforme.
PracticingtheprinciplesofthisprogramthewayIunderstandthem,stayingcleanadayatatime,sharingexperienceswithotheraddictswhoarenewtotheprogram—theseactionshavechangedmywholeoutlookonlife.
It'sagoodwaytolive.
Ican'tdoanymoretimeIcametotheFellowshipofNarcoticsAnonymousasanaddict,outofaninstitutionforwomen.
IcamethefirstnightIgotoutandit'sbeenherethatI'velearnedhowtolive,sothatithasn'tbeennecessaryformetouseanykindofdrugsinmydailylife.
IthasbeenherethatI'velearnedalotaboutmyself,becauseweaddictsaresoverymuchalike.
I'vealwaysseenanothersideofmyselfwheneverproblemsandsuggestedsolutionshavebeendiscussedatourmeetings.
Ihavelearned,fromthosewhoarefollowingtheprogramofrecoverytothebestoftheirability,howIcandothesameifIamwillingtomaketheeffort.
Ihavealsolearnedfromthosewhohavemademistakes.
IfeelbadwhenIseethatsomeleavethisfellowshiptotrytheoldwayagain,butIknowthatIdon'thavetodothatifIdon'twantto.
Also,ithasnotbeennecessaryformetostealortowriteanybadchecks.
Myaddictiongoeswayback.
Iwasdrinkingabusively,whenIfirststartedatsixteen,andIrealizetodaythatthereasonforthatwasIwassicktobeginwith.
Ihadthisemotionalillnessanditwasverydeep.
Idon'tthinkthat,ifIhadn'tbeenemotionallyilltobeginwith,Iwouldhavegottencarriedawaywithusing.
WhenitbecamenoticeablethatIwasusingalcoholmoreandmore,beinginthenursingprofession,Itriedexperimentingwithotherdrugs.
Itgrewandgrewandbecameahorribleproblem.
Althoughthisiscertainlyasuicidalpathinitself,whenIwasawareandinalucidmoment,IdidrealizeIwashopelesslyaddicted.
Ididnotknowthattherewasanyanswer.
Therereallywasn'tatthattime.
IwasinSanFrancisco,notknowingwhichwaytoturn,whenItriedsuicideandwasunsuccessful.
Iwastwenty-sixyearsoldatthattime.
Inowthinkthatifithadbeenpossibleforme,Iwouldhavecometothisprogramatthatsameageasalotwhoareheretoday.
Mypattern,however,continued.
Ihadlostnotonlymyself-respectbuttherespectandloveofmyfamily,mychildren,andmyhusband.
Ihadlostmyhomeandmyprofession.
Somehoworother,Ihadn'treachedthepointwhereIwantedtotrythiswayoflifeortotryitalltheway.
Ijusthadtogoonandtryinmyownway.
Itrieddrugsagainandwasfinallycommittedtoanotherinstitutionthreetimes.
ThelasttimeIwentthereIjustfeltthatIcouldn'tdoanymoretime.
Ididn'timmediatelyconnectitwithmyaddiction.
Ijustcouldn'tdoanymoretime.
Itwasn'tthethought,"Ican'tusedrugs,"just,"Ican'tdoanymoretime.
"IjustfeltcompletelyhopelessandhelplessandIdidn'thaveanyanswers.
Allofmyemotionalandspiritualpridehadgone.
I'msurethatwhenIwasintheinstitutiontheydoubtedmysincerityineverwantingtodoanythingaboutmyproblem.
However,Ididwanttodosomethingaboutit,andIknowthatthisprogramdoesn'tworkuntilwereallydowantitforourselves.
It'snotforpeoplewhoneeditbutforpeoplewhowantit.
IfinallywanteditsobadIknockedondoorsofpsychiatrists,psychologists,chaplains,andanywhereIcould.
Ithinkoneofmycounselors,whojustnaturallylovesallpeople,gavemealotofencouragement,forIthoroughlytookmyfirstthreesteps.
IadmittedIwaspowerlessovermyaddiction,thatmylifewasunmanageable.
Ihadtriedsomanyotherthings,soIdecidedaPowergreaterthanmyselfcouldrestoremysanity.
TothebestofmyabilityIturnedmylifeandmywillovertothecareofGodasIunderstoodHim,andItriedinmydailylifetounderstandGod.
Ihadreadallkindsofmetaphysicalbooks.
Iagreedwiththemandthoughttheyweregreat,butInevertookanyactiononthem.
Inevertriedanyfaithinmydailyliving.
It'samazinghowafterIhadgottenjustthisfar,IbegantogetalittlehonestyandcouldseemyselfasIwas.
IdoubtedthatIcouldgethonest,butIbecameawareofmyselfbylookingoutsidemyselfattheaddictsaroundme,bygettingtoknowthemandunderstandthem,bybeingfriendlywiththem.
Iwouldliketogivecreditwherecreditisdue,andIdobelievethatmydailyattendanceatpsychotherapygroupswithveryunderstandingpsychologistshelpedmebecomeawareofmyselfsothatImightdosomethingaboutmyproblem;butwhenIcameout,Ithought,"Oh!
CanImakeitoutside"SomanytimesinstitutionstooksomanyyearsoutofmylifethatIwonderedifIcouldstaycleananddoordinarythings.
IdoubtedwhetherIcouldgoaheadwithjustnormalliving,butGodhasseenfittoseethatIhavebeenprovidedforinthislastyearandahalf.
I'vebeenabletoworkregularly;Ididn'thavesteadyjobsatfirst,buttherewasneveranylongperiodinbetweenthem.
AlthoughforatimeIthrewouttheideaofgoingbacktomyprofession,whichisnursing,Ihavesincereconsideredthisandamnowintheprocessofperhapsreturningtofull-timenursing.
WiththehelpofsomeveryunderstandingpeopleIhavemet,thefutureherelooksverybright.
Inthemeantime,Igivemyselftomyjobeveryday,asbestIcan,andhavebeendoingitsuccessfully,despitethefactthatwhenIlefttheinstitutionforthelasttimeeveryonethoughtIwasunemployable.
Tomethisisaspiritualprogramandthemaintenanceandgrowthofaspiritualexperience.
Withoutthekindofhelpandthetherapyofoneaddicttalkingtoandhelpinganother,Iknowthatitwouldn'thavebeenpossibleforme.
Theobsessiontousedrugshasbeencompletelyremovedfrommeduringthisperiod,andIknowthatit'sonlybythegraceofGod.
Inowgivemyattentiontomydailyproblems.
It'samazing,havinghadapatternoffear,anxiety,resentment,andself-pity,howmuchofthis,too,hasbeenremoved.
Nolongerdotheseswaymylife.
Iaskforhelpeverymorning,andIcountmyblessingseverynight.
I'mrealgratefulthatIdon'thavetogothroughthesicknessthataccompaniesthetakingofdrugsofanykind.
Ithinkoneofthebiggestthingsthathelpedmeherewasthatthisisaprogramofcompleteabstinence.
IgotovertheideathatIhada"dualproblem.
"Idon'thaveaproblemwiththisdrugorthatdrug;Ihavealivingproblem,andthisisallIneedtothinkabouttoday.
Igotalotofhelpfrommysponsorwhenitseemedthateveryonehadletmedown,bothfamilyandfriends.
Idon'tknowwhatIwouldhavedonehaditnotbeenforthedoorsthatsheopenedinherletters.
Shesharedherexperience,herstrength,andherhopewithme,anditwasverybeneficial.
Shecontinuestobemyverygoodfriend.
HereinNAIhavefoundafamily,friends,andawayoflife.
Myownfamilyhasalsobeenrestoredtomethroughworkingthesesteps,andnotthroughdirectlyworkingontheproblem.
Alotofwonderfulthingshavehappenedtome.
Ican'tconceiveofanythingeverhappeningthatwouldmakemewanttoforgetthiswayoflife.
TheviciouscycleIamGeneandIamanaddict.
InwritingthisIhopethatIcanhelpotheraddictslikemyself,whoaretryingtoovercometheiraddictionbysubstitutingonethingforanother.
Thatwasmypattern.
Istarteddrinking,wheneverpossible,attheageoffourteen.
WiththisIaddedweedsothatIcouldfeelateaseandbecomfortablewithmysurroundingsinthesocialactivitiesinhighschool.
Atseventeen,Istartedonheroinandquicklybecameaddicted.
Afterusingheroinforone-and-a-halfyears,Idecidedtoadmitmyselftoaninstitution.
Whentheyacceptedmyapplication,IgotscaredandjoinedtheArmyafterkickingathome.
IthoughtthatbybeingawayfrommyenvironmentIwouldbeabletosolvemyproblem.
EvenhereIfoundmyselfgoingAWOLtogetmoreheroin.
IwasthenshippedtoEuropeandthoughtthatifIjustdrank,thatwouldbetheanswer,butagainIfoundnothingbuttrouble.
UponmyreleaseIcamebackhometothesameenvironment.
AgainIwasusingheroinandvariousotherdrugs.
Thislastedabouttwoyears.
TheratracereallybeganwhenItriedtocleanup—coughsyrup,bennies,fixes,etc.
Bynow,Ididn'tknowwhereoneaddictionleftoffandtheotherstarted.
AyearbeforeIcametoNarcoticsAnonymousIfoundmyselfhopelesslyaddictedtocoughsyrup,drinkingfiveorsixfour-ouncebottlesaday.
IneededhelpsoIwenttoadoctor;heprescribeddexedrineandwouldgivemeashotthatmademefeelgood.
Ifoundmyselfgoingtohimpracticallyeveryday.
Thiscontinuedforabouteightmonths,andIwasveryhappywithmynewfoundlegaladdiction.
Iwasalsogettingcodeinefromadifferentdoctor.
Inowbecameinsanelyafraidandbegandrinkingtoo.
ThiswentonaroundtheclockforamonthandIendedupinamentalinstitution.
Afterbeingreleasedfromthehospital,IthoughtIwasfreefromnarcoticsandnowIcoulddrinksocially.
IsoonfoundoutIcouldnot.
ItwasthenthatIsoughthelpfromNA.
HereIlearnedthatmyrealproblemdidnotlieinthedrugsthatIhadbeenusing,butinadistortedpersonalitythathaddevelopedovertheyearsofmyusingandevenbeforethat.
InNAIwasabletohelpmyselfwiththehelpofothersinthefellowship.
IfindIammakingprogressinfacingrealityandI'mgrowingadayatatime.
Ifindnewinterestsnowthatmeansomething,andrealizethatthatwasoneofthethingswhichIwaslookingforindrugs.
SometimesIstillfinditdifficulttofacethings,butI'mnolongeraloneandcanalwaysfindsomeonetohelpmeovertheroughandconfusedspots.
IhavefinallyfoundpeoplelikemyselfwhounderstandhowIfeel.
I'mnowabletohelpotherstofindwhatIhave,iftheyreallywantit.
IthankGod,asIunderstandHim,forthiswayoflife.
SomethingmeaningfulIknownowIamnotthegreatleaderorphilosopherthatItriedtomakepeoplebelieveIwas.
Afterfifteenyearsoftryingtolivethisillusion,InowfindthatIambeingacceptedforjustwhatIreallyam.
Allmylifebeforethis,Ididthingsmyway.
Ifanyoneelseeverofferedadviceorsuggestions,Irebuffedthemwithaclosedmindwithoutevertryingwhattheyhadtooffertoseewhetheritwouldsucceedorfail.
Itseemsthatthoughmywayalwaysfailed,Ihadtouseagain,untilrepeatedtripstojailbegantoconvincemethatsomethingwaswrong.
Ireachedthepointofdesperatelywantingtodosomethingwithmylifethatwouldbemeaningful.
Ihadtotrysomethingelsethatwouldwork.
IhadfoundNAseveralyearsprevioustothisdecision,butthenIwasnotreadytochange.
AndalthoughIclosedthedooronNAonmanyoccasions,Ihavealwaysbeenwelcomedback.
SinceIhavebecomewillingtodosomethingaboutmylifewiththeNAprogram,lifehasbeenfullerandmoremeaningful.
Icouldnotexperiencelifebeforeonadailybasiswithoutdrugs.
Ineededthesejusttofaceeachday.
IknowIhavetoalterthispatternofthinkingandlivingifIamtostaycompletelyclean.
ThisIamdoingthroughtheprinciplesofourprogram.
AlthoughIdonotnowdesireorneeddrugs,Ihavetofillthevoidthat'sleftwithsomethingworthwhile.
IhavefoundthisintheFellowshipofNA.
Ihavetostickwiththewinnersandgointhesamedirectionthattheygo.
AslongasIfollowthestepsoftheprogram,IknowIcanmakeit,too.
AlthoughIdon'tfindtheprogrameasy,itissimpleenoughforacomplicatedpersonlikemetofollow.
IwasdifferentMystorymaydifferfromtheothersyouhaveheard,inthatIwasneverarrestedorhospitalized.
Idid,however,reachthepointofutterdespairwhichsomanyofushaveexperienced.
Itisnotmytrackrecordthatshowsmyaddictionbutrathermyfeelingsandmylife.
Addictionwasmywayoflife—theonlywayoflifeIknewformanyyears.
Thinkingback,ImusthavetakenonelookatlifeanddecidedIdidn'twantanypartofit.
Icamefroma"goodold-fashioned,"upper-middle-classbrokenhome.
Ican'trememberatimewhenIhaven'tbeenstrungout.
Asasmallchild,IfoundoutIcouldeasethepainwithfood,andheremydrugaddictionbegan.
Ibecamepartofthepillmaniaofthe1950's.
EvenatthistimeIfoundithardtotakemedicationasdirected.
Ifiguredthattwopillswoulddotwiceasmuchgoodasone.
Irememberhoardingpills,stealingfrommymother'sprescriptions,havingahardtimemakingthepillslastuntilthenextrefill.
Icontinuedtouseinthiswaythroughoutmyearlyyears.
WhenIwasinhighschoolandthedrugcrazehit,thetransitionbetweendrugstoredopeandstreetdopewasanatural.
Ihadalreadybeenusingdrugsonadailybasisfornearlytenyears;thesedrugshadvirtuallystoppedworking.
Iwasplaguedwithadolescentfeelingsofinadequacyandinferiority.
TheonlyanswerIhadwasthat,ifItooksomething,Ieitherwas,felt,oractedbetter.
Thestoryofmystreetusingisprettynormal.
Iusedanythingandeverythingavailableeveryday.
Itdidn'tmatterwhatItooksolongasIgothigh.
Drugsseemedgoodtomeinthoseyears.
Iwasacrusader;Iwasanobserver;Iwasafraid;andIwasalone.
SometimesIfeltall-powerfulandsometimesIprayedforthecomfortofidiocy—ifonlyIdidn'thavetothink.
Irememberfeelingdifferent—notquitehuman—andIcouldn'tstandit.
Istayedinmynaturalstate:loaded.
In1966,Ithink,Igotturnedontoheroin.
Afterthat,likesomanyofus,nothingelsewoulddothethingforme.
AtfirstIjoy-poppedoccasionally,andthenusedonlyonweekends;butayearlaterIhadahabit,andtwoyearslaterIflunkedoutofcollegeandstartedworkingwheremyconnectionworked.
Iusedstuffanddealt,andranforanotheryear-and-a-halfbeforeIgotsickandtiredofbeingsickandtired.
Ifoundmyselfstrungoutandnolongerabletofunctionasahumanbeing.
Duringthislastyearofmyusing,Istartedlookingforhelp.
Nothingworked!
Nothinghelped!
SomewherealongthelineIhadgottenthetelephonenumberofamaninNA.
Againstmybetterjudgmentandwithouthope,Imadewhatmaywellbethemostimportantphonecallofmylife.
Noonecametosaveme;Iwasn'tinstantlycured.
ThemansimplysaidthatifIhadadrugproblem,Imightbenefitfromthemeetings.
Hegavemetheaddressofameetingforthatnight.
Itwastoofartodrive,andbesidesIwaskicking.
Healsogavemetheaddressofanothermeetingacoupleofdayslaterandclosertohome.
IpromisedhimI'dgoandhavealook.
Whenthenightcame,Iwasdeathlyafraidofgettingbusted,andafraidofthedopefiendsIwouldfindthere.
IknewIwasn'tliketheaddictyoureadaboutinbooksornewspapers.
DespitethesefearsImademyfirstmeeting.
Iwasdressedinathreepieceblacksuit,blacktie,andeighty-fourhoursoffatwo-and-a-half-yearrun.
Ididn'twantyoutoknowwhatandwhoIwas.
Idon'tthinkIfooledanybody.
Iwasscreamingforhelp,andeverybodyknewit.
Ireallydon'tremembermuchofthatfirstmeeting,butImusthaveheardsomethingthatbroughtmeback.
ThefirstfeelingIdorememberonthisprogramwasthegnawingfearthatbecauseI'dneverbeenbustedorhospitalizedfordrugs,Imightnotqualifyandmightnotbeaccepted.
Iusedtwiceduringmyfirsttwoweeksaroundtheprogram,andfinallygaveup.
InolongercaredwhetherornotIqualified.
Ididn'tcareifIwasaccepted.
Ididn'tevencarewhatthepeoplethoughtofme.
Iwastootiredtocare.
Idon'trememberexactlywhen,butshortlyafterIgaveup,Ibegantogetsomehopethatthisprogrammightworkforme.
Istartedtoimitatesomeofthethingsthewinnersweredoing.
IgotcaughtupinNA.
Ifeltgood,itwasgreattobecleanforthefirsttimeinyears.
AfterI'dbeenaroundforaboutsixmonths,thenoveltyofbeingcleanworeoff,andIfelloffthatrosycloudI'dbeenriding.
Itgothard.
SomehowIsurvivedthatfirstdoseofreality.
IthinktheonlythingsIhadgoingformethenwerethedesiretostayclean,nomatterwhat;faiththatthingswouldworkoutokaysolongasIdidn'tuse;andpeoplewhowerewillingtohelpwhenIaskedforhelp.
Sincethen,it'sbeenanuphillfight;I'vehadtoworktostayclean.
I'vefounditnecessarytogotomanymeetings,toworkwithnewcomers,toparticipateinNA,togetinvolved.
I'vehadtoworktheTwelveStepsthebestIcould,andI'vehadtolearntolive.
Todaymylifeismuchsimpler.
IhaveajobIlike,I'mcomfortableinmymarriage,Ihaverealfriends,andI'mactiveinNA.
Thistypeoflifeseemstosuitmefine.
Iusedtospendmytimelookingforthemagic—thosepeople,places,andthingsthatwouldmakemylifeideal.
Inolongerhavetimeformagic.
I'mtoobusylearninghowtolive.
It'salong,slowprocess.
SometimesIthinkI'mgoingcrazy.
SometimesIthink,"What'stheuse"SometimesIbackmyselfintothatcornerofself-obsessionandthinkthere'snowayout.
SometimesIthinkIcan'tstandlife'sproblemsanymore,butthenthisprogramprovidesananswerandthebadtimespass.
Mostofthetimelife'sprettygood.
Andsometimeslifeisgreat,greaterthanIcaneverremember.
Ilearnedtolikemyselfandfoundfriendship.
Icametoknowmyselfalittlebitandfoundunderstanding.
Ifoundalittlefaith,andfromit,freedom.
AndIfoundserviceandlearnedthatthisprovidesthefulfillmentIneedforhappiness.
FearfulmotherIthoughtanaddictwasapersonwhowasusingharddrugs,someonewhowasonthestreetsorinjail.
Mypatternwasdifferent—Igotmydrugsfromadoctororfriends.
IknewsomethingwaswrongyetItriedtodoright—atwork,inmymarriage,andinraisingmychildren.
Ireallytriedhard.
IwouldbedoingwellandthenI'dfail.
Itwentonlikethisandeachtimeitseemedlikeforever;itseemedlikenothingwouldeverchange.
Iwantedtobeagoodmother.
Iwantedtobeagoodwife.
Iwantedtobeinvolvedinsocietyyetneverfeltapartofit.
Iwentthroughyearsoftellingmychildren"I'msorrybutthistimeitwillbedifferent.
"Iwentfromonedoctortoanotheraskingforhelp.
Iwentforcounselingfeelingeverythingwillbeallrightnow,buttheinsidewasstillsaying,"Whatiswrong"Iwaschangingjobs,changingdoctors,changingdrugs,tryingdifferentbooks,religions,andhaircolors.
Imovedfromoneareatoanother,changedfriends,andmovedfurniture.
Iwentonvacationsandalsoremainedhiddeninmyhome—somanythingsthroughtheyears—constantlyfeeling,I'mwrong,I'mdifferent,I'mafailure.
WhenIhadmyfirstchildIlikeditwhentheyknockedmeout;Ilikedthefeelingofthedrugstheygaveme.
Itwasafeelingthatwhateverisgoingonaroundme,Idon'tknowandIdon'tcare,really.
Throughtheyearsthetranquilizersgavemethefeelingthatnothingisreallythatimportant.
Towardtheend,thingsbecamesomixedupIwasnotsurewhatwasandwhatwasnotimportant.
Iwasshakinginsideandout.
Drugswouldnothelp.
Iwasstilltrying,butverylittle.
IhadquitworkandwastryingtogobackbutIcouldn't.
Iwouldbeonthecouchafraidofeverything.
Iwas103poundsandhadsoresonmylipsandinmynose.
IhaddiabetesandshooksothatIhadahardtimeputtingaspoontomymouth.
IfeltIwasouttokillmyselfandpeoplearoundmewereouttohurtme.
PhysicallyandmentallyIhadabreakdown.
IhadjustbecomeagrandmotherandIcouldnotevencommunicatewithasmallchild.
Iwasalmostavegetable.
Iwantedtobeapartoflivingbutdidnotknowhow.
PartofmesaidI'dbebetteroffdeadandpartofmesaidtherehastobeabetterwayofliving.
WhenIstartedontheprogramofNA,therewerealotofpeoplewhosuggestedjusteverydaythingsformetodo,likeeating,takingabath,gettingdressed,goingforawalk,goingtomeetings.
Theytoldme,"Don'tbeafraid,wehaveallgonethroughthis.
"Iwenttoalotofmeetingsthroughtheyears.
Onethinghasstuckwithme,onethingtheysaidfromthebeginning,"Betty,youcanstoprunningandyoucanbewhateveryouwanttobeanddowhateveryouwanttodo.
"SincebeingontheprogramIhavelistenedandwatchedmanypeopleandhaveseenthemgothroughmanyupsanddowns.
IhaveusedtheteachingsIfeltwerebestforme.
MyworkareahashadtochangeandIhavebeengoingtoschool.
Ihavehadtorelearnallthewaybacktothegrammarschoollevel.
Ithasbeenslowformebutveryrewarding.
IalsodecidedthatIneedtoknowmebetterbeforeIcanhaveameaningfulrelationshipwithaman.
Iamlearningtocommunicatewithmydaughters.
IamtryingmanythingswhichIwantedtodoforyears.
IamabletoremembermanythingsthatIhadpushedoutofmymind.
IhavefoundthatBettyisnotthatbigpileofnothingbutissomeoneandsomethingthatIneverreallystoppedtolookatorlistento.
April1willbemyfifthNAbirthday.
How'sthatforAprilFool'sDay!
FataddictIamanaddict.
Iusedatleastfiftydifferenttypesofdrugsonanongoingbasisforaperiodofeighteenyears.
Ididn'tknowitwhenIstartedusing,butIuseddrugsforonlyonereason—becauseIdidn'tlikethewayIfelt.
Iwantedtofeelbetter.
Ispenteighteenyearstryingtofeeldifferent.
Icouldn'tfacetheeverydayrealitiesoflife.
Beingafatkid,fatallmylife,Ifeltrejected.
IwasborninArizonain1935andImovedtoCaliforniaintheearly1940's.
Myfamilymovedaroundfromstatetostateandmyfatherwasmarriedseveraltimes.
Hewasabingedrinker;eitherhewasinastateofself-righteousnessorastateofcompletedegradation.
Thisisoneofthemanyreasonswemovedsooften.
AsImovedfromschooltoschool,IwouldrelatevariousexperiencesthatIhadandIwouldtalkaboutmyvariousstepmothers.
Forsomereason,Iwasthoughttobealiar.
Itseemedtheonlycompanythatacceptedme,nomatterwhereIwent,wastheso-calledlower-levelpeople,andIneverfeltIwasalower-levelperson.
ItmademefeellikeIhadsomeself-worthbybeingabletolookdownonthem.
Myfamilylifewasconfusedandpainful,butalotofsoundmoralvalueswerepassedontomeinmyupbringing.
Ialwaysmadetheattempttostayemployed.
Asamatteroffact,onmostoccasionsImanagedtobeself-employedinsometypeofbusiness.
Iwasevenabletomaintainsomecivicstatusbybelongingtofraternalorganizations.
Iwasfivefeet,fiveinchestall,andweighed282pounds.
Iatecompulsivelytotryandhandlemyfeelingsandemotionsandtomakemefeelbetter.
Asamatteroffact,thisishowIoriginallygotintousingheavydrugs.
IwantedtoloseweightsodesperatelythatIbecamewillingtouseheroin.
IthoughtIwouldbesmartenoughnottogethooked,thatIcoulduseandlosemyappetite,feelgoodandoutsmartthegame.
Ibouncedaroundthecountryandendedupinpenitentiariesandjails.
Thiswasthebeginningoftheend;notonlywasIacompulsiveovereaterandremainedfat,butIwasalsoaddictedtothedrugsIwasusing.
SomebodytoldmeabouttheFellowshipofNarcoticsAnonymouswhenIwasinthecompletestageofdegradationanddesperation.
Havingnoplacetogo,Iwalkedintothisfellowshipfeelingaslowasapersoncanfeel,liketherewasnowayout.
Iwascompletelyandtotallymorallybankrupt.
Iknewnothingaboutspiritualvalues.
Iknewnothingaboutliving.
Lifeultimatelywasnothingbutpainonadailybasis.
AllIknewwastoputsomethinginme—foodordrugs—ortoabusesextofeelgood,whichjustdidn'tdoitformeanymore.
Ijustcouldn'tgetenoughofanything.
WhenIcametothisprogram,IfoundsomethingthatIhadneverexperiencedbefore—totalacceptanceforwhoandwhatIwas.
Iwasinvitedtokeepcomingbacktoafellowshipthattoldmetherewerenofeesordues—thatIhadalreadypaidmyduesviamypastlife—andthatifIkeptcomingback,Iwouldfindtotalfreedomandanewwayoflife.
Today,manyyearslater,IfindthatIamfreefromaddictionandcompulsiveovereating,andIhavestatusinthecommunity.
Ihaveanicehomeandfamily,anexecutiveposition,andmostofallIhaveapersonalrelationshipwithmyGod,whichhasmadeallthesethingspossible.
Iamabletofeelgood,tofeeljoyfulandblissful,tofeelserenity,evenwhenthingsarenotasgoodastheymightbe.
Thereisnoquestionaboutit,IowemylifetotheNarcoticsAnonymousFellowshipandGod.
IcanonlyextendmyhopethatifyoutooaresufferingasIoncewas,youwillpracticetheprinciplesofNarcoticsAnonymous,andfindfreedomfrompainandameaningful,prosperouslife.
TwelveStepsandTwelveTraditionsreprintedforadaptationbypermissionofAAWorldServices,Inc.